Stabat Mater

Follow up – March 2019 – As I am.

Follow up – March 2019 – As I am.

April 6, 2019
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I intend to go through my intentions for the year at the end of each month. This gives me a monthly reminder of my intentions as well as ample space for reflection and possible adjustment.

March. What a month! And it’s already finished, but far. It’s been a month with a lot happening – both in and with me.

2019. The year when I will…

* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees: ✅Soon I have 1700 Sevens in a row…
  • Headspace daily: ✅
  • run a minimum of  75 runs: 1 run in March as well. I will take a run when I feel like it.
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers: 1 cold bath in March, one which had me go into the water twice on the other hand.
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!): 7/10 classes completed, haven’t missed a single one.
  • continuing to ride my bike and walk as much as possible: walked almost 60 kilometers and biked just short of 310 ditto.

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about: Read 17/75 böcker. Blogged about A fine balance (book 3 of 12 in English) and the Swedish counterpart is I det sista regnet.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis: Missed out on playing the guitar three days in March, and have stopped setting a timer for 10 minutes. Sometimes I just play one song, sometimes two, sometimes three. So 10 minutes a day isn’t something I live up to on a daily basis, but I am playing, more often than not! And soon I have Utan dina andetag down pat and Shallow which is our current homework-song is coming along quite nicely as well, because I really enjoy this song!
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion: ✅
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month: 9-10th and 23-24th of March I observed my digital sabbat. In April I aim for the same on 12-13th and 19-20th.
  • börja podda: Alltså… inledande avsnittet klart, upplagt på Soundcloud, och ytterligare tio avsnitt fiffade… men iTunes ratade mig. På kryptiska grunder med en hjälptext som inte gjorde mig klokare. Så jag skrev om. Ratad igen. Skrev om igen. Ratad igen… så då lusläste jag den där hjälptexten ännu en gång och skrev om igen, på lite annat vis. “Submitted for review” i över en vecka, över månadsskiftet… men idag (4 april) så är den “Active”! Whoop. Oj liksom – men det får jag skriva mer om i nästa månadssummering ju! *cliffhanger*
  • släppa (minst) 4 e-böcker under 2019: Spinner tankar men inget som konkretiserats. Än.

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year: pondering a few ideas about writing retreats, including the possibility of running a digital retreat? My ideas from January remain.
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it: ✅
  • blog daily: ✅
  • start to pod: Well…. the introductory episode is finished, upoladed to Soundcloud, and another ten episodes are ready to go… but iTunes rejected me. On cryptical reasons with a help text that did nothing to make me wiser. So I re-wrote the metadata. Rejected again. So I re-wrote it once more. And was rejected yet again… so I took a finetoothed comb to that help text, and re-wrote once more, but with a twist. “Submitted for review” was the status on iTunes for more than a week, passing the end of the month… but on April 4th, the status was changed to “Active”! Whoop!! I mean – wow! But hey… more of that in next months monthly summary! *cliffhanger*
  • release (at least) 4 e-books in 2019: thoughts are swirling, nothing concretized as of yet.

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams: ✅
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis: ✅I reached my set goals in January and March, not in February.
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses: ✅I have to say, keeping tabs on my finances, both incoming and outgoing, sure makes for a higher state of consciousness around what there is. I highly recommend it.

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself: brother and sister-in-law on a quick visit to Sweden so me and the youngest kid of the house got on a train to Vejbystrand for just short of 24 hours (where I totally make said youngster completely embarrassed to have a mother like me, as I stand in the middle of the square in Ängelholm and start to d a n c e until brother, sister-in-law, mother and aunt arrive on the bus. Youngster n o t happy, let me tell you. The residents of Ängelholm smiled on the other hand!), brother gave me an introductory course in genealogical research with help of the app Ancestry, getting the last of the pod-work done as well as records an introductory episode, went to a vernissage and a 24-hour castle get-away with my most lovely wives (yes!), give birth to, and starts to work on an idea that is very close to my heart in coaching conversations with Dave, spend a full weekend dedicated to Stabat Mater with a concert in Denmark as well as in Malmö with a get-together at my place after the Malmö-concert, for friends and family who are attending the concert, manages to go skinny dipping in the ocean (cold bath!) despite the fact that it’s almost storm winds out, coaches, walks, enjoy the sunshine and bike rides and generally: living life!

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Advent Calendar 6 – To feel.

December 6, 2018
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I sing in a choir. In this choir we have the luxury of having a wonderful choir master, Jens Eriksson, who is also a composer. A couple of years ago, he wrote a Stabat Mater for my choir, and it is the musical highlight of my life – I absolutely love this musical work.

In the sixth piece Fac, ut portem Christi mortem about three minutes in (the Spotify version), there’s a sequence for the string quartet, and at 3:20 one of the instruments has a solo note, a high F (I think). This single note, lasting for a few seconds, is so beautiful that I cannot even keep my eyes open. I feel this note throughout my entire body; in a way I totally let myself float away on this note… while still being completely present to the sensation, with awareness of myself and the pleasure I take in being a part of this musical creation.

Allowing myself to feel, to enjoy, to take pleasure in what is, in the moment. Letting me experience what is there to experience, without drowning in the emotion. Being aware, being present, stops me from drowning, giving me an anchor of sorts, to my innate wellbeing. It makes me open to feel, to dare to feel it all.

This duality, of feeling fully, of experiencing, while at the same time witnessing the experience taking place. This is one way for me to be gentle with myself, as I am no longer afraid to feel what I feel.


Advent Calendar 2018 – number 6 of 24 – on the theme of being gentle.

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Good bye 2017

December 31, 2017
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Good bye 2017, the year when…

  • I had Wholeheartedness as my intention, something I’ve blogged about on a monthly basis since.
  • my company Respondi AB turned ten years old. Imagine that!
  • me and Pernilla Tillander started to work together for the ESF-project Include & Meet in Skurup, something which has been among the most fun and rewarding things I’ve done during my ten years as an entrepreneur. We will continue to work together in 2018 in Skurup and I greatly look forward to it!
  • I did two “current state” analyses that made quite the impact, especially in me.
  • my longest running assignment ended, after nearly five years.
  • thoughts on my future business enterprise are starting to become clear.
  • I rediscovered my fascination with husbandry, also in an economic fashion.
  • music played a big part:
    • the musical highlight above all else throughout my life is performing Stabat Mater by Jens Eriksson. The first performance took place already during Easter 2016, but during 2017 Stabat Mater was released on Spotify, and the church choir from Södra Sallerup performed Stabat Mater no less than three times this year. One performance took place in Salzburg where the choir went for a trip in september. Stabat Mater is on repeat at home, and I absolutely love this piece of music!
    • my musical highlight number two took place in twofold this year as well: we recorded an album in the beginning of the year, and this was released (both as an actual CD and on Spotify) at the end of the year, Vi är i advent. Another abum running on repeat in my headphones.

HERO in Edinburgh

  • I turned fortyfive and discovered the thrill of hosting a potluck party – what a smashing idea!
  • sad farewell’s were mixed with the joy of new budding lives.
  • acting legal guardian for unaccompanied minor refugees is an ongoing assignment, a roller coaster of joy, frustration and pride; for my legal guardians as well as others.
  • we decided to stay together but live apart… only to hand in our divorce application a few months later.
  • far later I finally removed my wedding ring, leaving me with the feeling of a phantom ring on my ring finger.
  • I participated in the #blogg100 challenge for the forth time, after refraining for a year. For the first time I trid blogging onehundred days in a row based on a set theme (by myself) – mixing Swedish and English blog posts – which definitely was to my liking.

GoodReads

  • I have read, read, and read some more. 73 books and 22889 pages according to GoodReads. But then I also proof read a book not yet published, so in total I read 74 books and 23014 pages during 2017. My #Goodreadsreadingchallenge for 2017 was fifty books, so I reached my goal by far.
  • The Gifted book club saw the light of day in conjunction with my birthday, and during the fall we’ve read two books. We are starting 2018 with Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, following it up with Foe by J.M. Coetzee and I am thrilled to see what other books we will be reading after that.
  • for the first time ever have I technically proof read a book (and buy what a book. Only available in Swedish, but if you know Swedish, most definitely pick up, and read, a copy of Sigrid sover på soffan!)
  • ChattyMeals made an entrance into my life, an aquaintance I will definitely continue to entertain during 2018.
  • I understood my relationship to inner and outer expectations, this concept that I’ve been reflecting upon for years now, and now have an even greater understanding of, being the Upholder I am.
  • I ran my first ever race!
  • I tried taking a digital sabbat, which definitely wet my appetite, to the extent that it actually served as the basis for my intention for 2018.
  • my firstborn came of age and my lastborn turned teenager and started junior high school. Oh how time flies!
  • for the first time in forever we stayed in Sweden during the summer holidays (o the chagrin of the kids).
  • all four Roths are finishing off the year participating in the largest New Years Eve-street party in the world, the Hogmanay celebrations in Edinburgh.

Roths in Edinburgh

And with that, I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!

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#blogg100 – Your most silent hour.

April 14, 2017
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“…grow through your development quietly and seriously; you can interrupt it in no more violent manner than by looking outwards, and expecting answer from outside to questions which perhaps only your innermost feelings in your most silent hour can answer.”

Stabat MaterToday is Good Friday, and if ever there is a day where the (Christian) expectation is to be in the most silent hour, this is the one. I for one, will be singing today. Stabat Mater by Jens Eriksson, our choir director and composer of this marvellous piece of music, which we performed for the first time exactly a year ago. This piece does invite contemplation, some of the parts are so beautiful, it makes me tear up when I am performing it (or listening to it, which I do, a lot!).

Reverting to Rilke though, the notion that looking for answers from outside is a violent interuption of personal development, and the futility of believing that that is where they reside, the answers. Outside of ourselves, the place many look, similar to the old man who lost his house keys and was found looking for them underneath the lamp post on the street. Kindhearted folks came to help him, and asked where he lost the keys, and the man answered how he lost them “over there” – pointing in another direction – but as there was no lamp post there, he wouldn’t be able to find the keys in the dark, so he was searching here in the light.

Hands up anyone who’s ever searched outside of yourself for an answer, which you perhaps knows can only be found within, but you simply cannot make yourself go there… but why? What is it we so fear within ourselves? Is it the dark, the shame, the weakness, the failures and all that we wish we were not? Or is it the light, that Marianne Williamsson so eloquently refers to?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 45 of 100.
The book “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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