state of mind

Being gentle to me – Reflection November ’16

Being gentle to me – Reflection November ’16

November 25, 2016
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It’s funny. A month passes so quickly. Two months even quicker.
It’s been almost two months since my husband moved out, three months since he said he wanted to. Time sure flies.

I’ve tried to take extra good care of myself this past month. Making sure I sleep, eat well and get the nutrients I need, exercise, have fun, get sunshine and wind upon my face. I’ve had a massage as well as a facial (the latter something I’ve never ever experienced before. It was nice, very relaxing!). And basically, I try to listen within. Making sure I am silent enough to hear even the faintest inner whisper, softly informing me of what it is I need to sustain myself at this moment in time. 

It’s been a month of high’s and low’s.
Right now, as I am sitting here by the kitchen table, typing away on my monthly reflection, I’m in the calmest state of mind, totally at ease, body relaxed, long slow breaths, ok with whatever might be. Two weeks ago, I was in pain. It hurt so much, thinking about what we once used to have, and I couldn’t fathom how we let it slip away.

I know, my state of mind will keep on moving, back and forth, like waves hitting shore. Sometimes gently, gently, lapping away at the sandy slopes. Sometimes hurling itself with massive energy onto land, with a desperation, trying to grab a hold of as much as possible, before withdrawing with a vengeance, dragging sand and debris along out to sea. waves along the shoreThat’s me. My emotional state. Sometimes like the gently lapping waves, sometimes with such fierce energy it’s almost hard to contain within the boundaries of my physical body. And although the situation at hand might provide me with opportunities to experience the highest high and the lowest low more often than usual, it’s still just a part of life. It’s always like this. At least for me. My state of mind is fluid. In constant flux between high’s and low’s and everything in-between.

Noticing what the energy of the moment is, gives me a hint as to how much trust it’s wise to put on my thoughts. In the extremes, both high’s and low’s, I’m no longer as prone to putting much value on my own thoughts and emotions. I mean, I don’t disown them. I certainly feel what I feel when I feel it. But in general, if I’m low, the quality of my thoughts is generally low as well, and I have learned (oh boy, have I ever learned, the hard way!) not to put too much faith in them. Rather, I let them be, knowing it will pass. This too shall pass, as the saying goes. And it always does. The same goes for the high’s of course, even though they are usually a lot more enjoyable.

These past months, I’ve had it all. And I’ve rolled with it, all of it. At times desperately wanting the pain to go away. All the while knowing that it will. In time. And that’s comforting. This is me being very gentle towards myself, knowing this too shall pass. It’s a deep knowing, and it is there always, throwing a shimmer even on the worst moments. Reminding me, that it will all be ok, that it is ok, even when it feels like it isn’t. Reminding me, that even though it hurts sometimes, I am ok, because I always am; as is hubby, which is also a great comfort to know in all of this!

Welcome to my new website, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

 

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Not much good for anything

November 22, 2016
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My mind was wandering. Constantly checking social media, email, SMS. Desperate for a hit of connection. So I said to myself: Stop. No more. Take a break and do something else. You’re not much good for anything right now. 

So I took out the yarn and needles and pattern for a wool sweater that I bought in Visby this summer. I’ve just cast a quick glance or two on the pattern before, realizing I would need to sit down for quite some time, in order to get started. Having procrastinated on getting started for four months, now was the time. Turned on the Good Life Project Ambassador VIMEO that I missed out on Thursday last week, and plonked down in the sofa.

Listening, and knitting. Knitting, and listening.

Once Jonathan was done, I was in full swing and wanted to carry on knitting. Remembered my friend Michael Sillion having suggested a youtube-clip with Seth Godin to me, so Seth became my second companion for the afternoon. Now I feel much calmer, centered, and both inspired and proud of myself. Jonathan and Seth gave me both intellectual and spiritual challenges to contemplate, and I got started on the sweater.knitting

As I didn’t have any pressing items on my To Do-list this afternoon, I let myself be. I let the jittery non-focussed me have an opportunity to slow down and refocus. That was a deliberate choice I made. Turned out the not-much-good-for-anything-state of mind that I was in earlier, actually turned out to be a much-good-for-knitting-and-taking-in-some-challenging-input-state of mind. Who would have known?

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