Stress

The stress indicators

The stress indicators

June 5, 2020
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Hard to ignore, the stress indicators. Having a hard time getting to bed. Waking early and/or intermittently throughout the night. Having a hard time holding it together (you should have seen my reaction to this America’s Got Talent clip – moved to tears above and beyond my normal reactions to AGT/BGT-clips!). And, today, the best tell-tale sign of them all, the fluttering eyelid. All of these indicators have been my companions now and again throughout adult life (and probably even before).

The difference is my greater awareness about them. I see them. I feel them. I notice them. And, I know what to do about them as well. At the moment, I do what I can during the weekends to make sure I rest, relax, read. Spending time in the garden is a great way to ground me. I recharge enough to make sure I can do what needs to be done the upcoming week without running dangerously low on battery.

It’s also a conscious decision of mine to keep up my current work pace, knowing it’s a weekday sprint/weekend recharge for about another month. After that, there’s room. For me. For recharging for a longer period, and more importantly, for less sprinting.

Am not worried.
In a sense, kind of pleased that I’ve gotten to be so good at picking up on these indicators, that in the past, 10+ years ago, were just a part of my normal life. They aren’t anymore, on account of what I do and how I have set up my life, and it has made me much more observant to when they show up. Giving me a chance to take stock, to weigh pro’s and con’s and make a conscious decision on my next step.
Am also fully aware that shorter sprints of massive workload is something I am capable of managing, I just need to make sure that the periods aren’t too long, because that’s when it starts to become a real problem.
And it’s not. Not yet.
And I won’t let it be, either.

If nothing else, my more-or-less daily blogging helps me check in with myself. And wondrously enough, somehow whatever seems to come through my fingers onto (digital) paper, most often points me in whatever direction I need to go. It’s a gentle nudge, bringing my awareness up, making me see. Me.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Being gentle to me – Reflection August ’16

August 27, 2016
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In my daily Headspace meditation, this morning I heard Andy Puddicombe say, in the first out of thirty sessions on the topic of stress, that stress is wanting things to be different, from how they are right now. Little did I know that shortly thereafter I would get the perfect opportunity to practice this lesson.

Reacting. Or not. Falling into the abyss of a reactive emotion. Or not.
Anger. Irritation. Frustration.

I reacted. And fell. Deep and hard.
Made good use of the angry energy though, digging for hours on end in the front yard. But at a price.

And yeah, sure, I would have liked to have been a person, earlier today, who responded with grace and humility, rather than irritation and annoyance. I didn’t though. And as I sit here reflecting, here my second training opportunity for the day arrives, served on a silver platter.

React. Or not? Fall into the abyss of a reactive emotion. Or not?
Shame. Regret. Self-contempt.

No. This time, I gently, but firmly, bid those emotions to leave by the door that I leave open for then. And as they make their way over there – slowly, going in circles, hoping I will let up and start to engage with them despite having bid them good bye – I take the opportunity instead to reflect with a gentle perspective upon the day. On the choices I made, and the consequences those choices led to. Accepting. Fully. The outcomes that serves me – having done a really good day’s work in the front yard at the top of the list – as well as the ones that clearly doesn’t serve me – relationships bruised by me falling into the abyss, dragging others down there with me in the fall.cooling summer evening

A stressful situation? Well. I guess that’s the thing. It could be. But I don’t choose to want things to be different, from how they are right now. Because what was, is past. And I cannot turn back time, and retrace my steps, making other choices that those I did. So no, I sit here, in the cooling summer evening, accepting what is. Accepting what was. The only thing I can do, is apologize for my behavior, and learn from the happenings of the day. When a similar situation arise in the future, I might be able to make a different choice from the get-go, one with fewer non-serving outcomes. Or not. Regardless, I chose to be gentle to me. Because the opposite, being harsh and judgmental towards myself, doesn’t make life better for anyone.

This is what being gentle to me means in the month of August 2016. What does it mean to you?

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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