#TBT

Beauty surrounds us

Beauty surrounds us

November 24, 2016
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I don’t think I’ve ever experience the beauty of fall as I am this year. And I don’t think fall has gotten more beautiful – I think the change is in me. I’ve never been so aware, never taken the time, to look, to see the colors, the contrast, the smell, the vibrancy.
The energy!fall love 1
I’ve become better calibrated. It’s like I’ve been fine tuned. My senses are functioning, on a whole new level. Whole heartedly.
I notice. I take it in. All of it.
For the first time, it feels as if I fully n o t i c e all the beauty that surrounds me.fall love 4

It’s been there before. Of that I am certain.
But it was never a part of my reality, in the way it is this year.
Because this year, my eyes have opened.
They take it all in, all that is, and always has been.
The texture, colors, smells, movement.
Wind. Sunshine. Dark clouds.
The heaven and earth.
fall love 5The withered hops in the allotment.
fall love 2

The horse chestnut leaves, glowing orange.fall love 7

The black walnut tree. The bark, the lichen, the leaves. And the fruits!fall love 6

The last holly hock, smiling at me, as I pass it. I have to stop. I ask if I may take its portrait. Of course, it tells me, smiling.
I smile back.fall love 3

It feels as if a view has lifted off my eyes. And my heart.
As I take it all in, I can feel myself expand, my awareness, love and gratitude for the beauty of the world fill me up, every cell of me.

Life.
I love it.
See it.
And live it.

Do you notice the beauty that surround you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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My greatest fears

November 17, 2016
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Have joined up for the 30 days of being fearless-Facebook group started by Billie Allen. *And yes, it’s another numbered time-constrained challenge. You know I’m a sucker for these by now!*

One post in the Facebook-group read:

If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

Here’s my reply:

“Greatest fears”. It sounds so grand, so large. 

I believe my “greatest fears” are in reality fairly small… not daring to speak up, to make the most of the gifts I have to bring to the world, to stand up for someone in need for fear of being harassed myself, or ridiculed, etc.

FearsI am on a journey to walk thru my fears, not to “overcome” them as such, but to live life, and pass thru them, not having them be a hindrance, but rather, a possible bump in the road onwards, that gives the journey it’s texture. 

As I bump thru my fears, I become more me. Less restrictive, less mindful of what other people might or might not think about me, more in tune with my thoughts and emotions, daring to show my feelings, laugh out loud when I feel like laughing, sing to a great song when I hear it, regardless if I’m on a plane or alone at home. Less worried, less concerned with expecting stuff from myself and/or others, more exuberant, living life more fully, with up’s and down, more interested in people. Being less afraid, I’ve gotten to be a much better listener, no longer afraid of what might arise within myself from the stories I’m told. 

It’s an ongoing journey and I enjoy every twist and turn of the road, being less concerned about what I would have deemed right or wrong, good or bad, in the past.

Namaste!

If you could overcome your greatest fears, how would your life be different? How would you be different?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing there over the years. As of 2016 I only write in Swedish there, and in English here. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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I miss me

November 10, 2016
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Came home after a full day of meetings.

Went out into the garden.
A run-away hen. Picked her up and lifted her into the coop confinement.
Sun shining brightly. Deep blue sky.
A crispness to the air, typical of the early fall weather.

Apples ripening on the trees.
Some of the leaves of the trees in the garden starting to turn. The mulberry tree in particular, gorgeous yellow-colored leaves.

Spot the last rose in bloom. Cradle its velvety petals in my hands. Pull it towards my face. Inhale deeply, slowly closing my eyes, just drinking it in.

velvety petals

Realize something important.

I miss me.

I’ve been unusually (for me) occupied with work and travels for the past several weeks. Somewhere along the line of these past few years, I’ve gotten used to hanging out much more just with myself, being able to control my own schedule to a larger extent. So after these past weeks, I miss me.

Luckily, tomorrow is my day! Beginning this fall, I’ve set aside a day a week in my calendar that is my day. To do with what I want. If I want to work, I work. If I want to read a book, I read a book. If I want to take a dance walk, I take a dance walk. I make a deliberate attempt to not book any meetings on my days, unless it’s something I really want to do. If I want to… well, I’m sure you get the picture by now.

I so look forward to connecting with myself tomorrow.
Have you ever felt the same? Missing yourself?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

I choose this post with extra great care, as today, I gave myself my own day, something I have not honored these past two whirlwind months. I have these days scheduled in the calendar, every week, but if I don’t honor them they don’t do me much good, do they? So as I gave myself this day, I started to catch up with myself, and today, I haven’t missed me at all! 

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What if I forgave myself?

November 3, 2016
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Just finished watching Wild, the movie with Reese Witherspoon, based on the true story (made into a book) by Cheryl Strayed, who hikes the Pacific Crest Trail after her life unravelled following her mom’s death and a divorce.

Two things really hit home. One is kind of soft and mushy, romantic and drippy even. It’s what Cheryl’s mom used to say, possibly her life motto even:

sunset

I especially like that last line: You can put yourself in the way of beauty. And it’s simple, because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. So it is possible for me to see beauty everywhere. I can put myself in the way of beauty wherever I am.

The other thing from Wild that I take with me after watching it is something that I’ve reflected a lot upon these past months of the #cleanse4expansion-project: forgiveness.

What if I forgave myself?, I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I’d done something I shouldn’t have? […] What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn’t have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?

For me, the process of looking at forgiveness generates the feeling of expanding, it’s transformative. And I know, there are more areas where the question lies dormant, waiting to be asked:

What if I forgave myself?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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Let it choose us.

October 6, 2016
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I am taking part in the global U.Lab course of Transforming Business, Society, and Self, and as a part of week two, we were given a five-minute clip from The Legend of Bagger Vance to watch:

It’s a great clip, and as I watched it, or perhaps, more like it, listened to it, deeply listened with all that I am, goose bumps spread all over my body.

Especially this part,where Bagger Vance says:

There’s a perfect shot trying to find every one of us.
All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way…
…and let it choose us.
Look at him, he in the field.
You can’t see that flag as some dragon you got to slay.
You’ve got to look with soft eyes.See the place where the tides, and the seasons…
…the turning of the earth…
…all come together.
Where everything that is…
…becomes one.
You’ve got to seek that place, with your soul, Junuh.

Seek it with your hands, don’t think about it, feel it.
Your hands are wiser than your head’s ever gonna be.
I can’t take you there…
…just hopes I can help you find a way.

BoldomaticPost_Seek-it-with-your-hands-don-tIf ever there was a perfect description of what it’s like to enable another person to find their way, this is it. I’ve experienced it, in coaching as well as in conversations with friends and loved ones. I’ve been helped to find my way (but have also found it myself, in those instances of flow that seem to happen all to seldom), and I’ve helped others find theirs. I’ve witnessed others being helped along as well. And regardless of my part in it, it’s an amazing sensation, to experience, to witness, to assist, when a soul finds a way forward, getting out of the way and letting it choose us.

Letting it choose us. Surrendering to what wants to happen. Letting it flow.

Letting it choose you. Because something does want to happen. And it’s not something you can construct with rational thought. It’s felt. It comes.

So ask yourself: What wants to happen here?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

PS – #ulab is running again, third time around!

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A cruel and heartless world, anyone?

September 29, 2016
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BoldomaticPost_It-s-not-our-job-to-toughen-oI read the quote by L R Knost on what our job is, what my job is, and I nod, agree, and then give a deep sigh. Not because I disagree. I don’t, not at all. I agree wholeheartedly!

The sigh comes more from having met so many people – in person, or via their writings, articles, blog posts, or through their social media presence, tweets, Facebook status updates and the likes – who seem to think the opposite. People who state “It’s a tough world and if kids don’t get knocked around a bit – metaphorically at least – during their upbringing and time in school, they will not know what hit them when they grow up and join ‘the real world’ as adults“.

Maybe not spoken in those exact words, but definitely sending that message. And I simply do not believe that is the way towards a more loving and peaceful world. On the contrary. And for me, the trick is this: I cannot raise my children to be more loving and wholehearted if I am cruel and heartless. Again – kids (and everyone else as well, I dare say) do as we do, not as we say.

It’s time to walk the talk. For real. Because I want to do my job, I want to be a part of making the world a little less cruel and heartless, and more loving and peaceful.

But how? How do I do that? How do I act lovingly? What is a wholehearted action? How do I show up in the world, lovingly and wholeheartedly?

I think I might write down a few bullet points for loving and wholehearted respectively, translating the fluffy words into actual activities (actions, words, gestures). Then I can look within to see if I am walking my talk, or not. What do you think, are you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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Rooms of insight

July 28, 2016
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I got pinged on Facebook by Iwan Karlsson. He wrote:

Please. Read this. It’s important. Helena Roth Give me some input.

The blogg post he was asking me and others to read was by Judy Sedgeman, called Ask the deeper questions. Please read the blog post before you carry on reading here.

I answered Iwan:

Wow. 
Thank you ever so much for pinging me here! I absolutely loved this blogpost. I agree, 100% with it. We have the answers within ourselves, and I believe children to a large extent have the capability to live with their thoughts. Then society, norm, schooling etc set in, and gradually shut those innate systems down. 

It’s time to
1) show people they have it all inside, the inside-out revolution!
2) ensure we create systems, norms etc that do NOT diminish ourselves, but rather ensures we learn how to truly live in peace, understand ourselves and our perception of the world around us. 

Thank you Iwan!

I have been asking questions for some time now. As I surge ahead asking questions, it’s as if I open up new doors within me, to rooms of insights and even more curiosity. This then triggers even more questions, and off I go, in a positive upward spiral.

20130502-230956.jpg

The more questions I ask, the deeper they become. And boy, am I happy to be in this discovery phase within myself, where my perception of the world becomes clearer by the minute. Writing a blog post every day is one way I have of both asking and answering questions, and I am so happy I have gotten into this habit.

Where are your deep questions?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. 
I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts. The fun part about this post, is that I’ve gotten to know Judy since I first published this blog post, and she is one awesome and wise woman, let me tell you!
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In, and of, heaven

July 21, 2016
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Today, in a coaching session with my coach, I found myself in heaven. Cuddled up in my armchair, with Carla on SKYPE, talking, listening, reflecting, and most of all, being.

Sharing the sensations of the past months, the conversations, meditations, insights. Experiences. And wham – I’m there. In heaven. In the softest of places, simply being. My voice, in communion, getting more gentle, soft-spoken. Pulse, breath, all slow down, calmness reigns. Indicating the state I’m in.

To meditate on a pinprick of light, in the middle of my chest. A pinprick of pure light, love, compassion, happiness. A pinprick which slowly grows, filling up every cell of my body, going further, beyond the physical boundaries of my body. Slowly expanding, with every intake of breath, pausing on every exhalation. Inhalation, expansion. Exhalation, stillness.

pinprick

Expansion – Stabilization. Expansion – Stabilization. Expansion – Stabilization.

The pinprick grows, meter by meter, kilometer by kilometer, country by country. I envision my beloved friends and family, spread across the globe, bathing in the light, love, compassion, happiness stemming from deep within my chest. Love guides me to them.

Soon, it’s as if I am at the crest of this wave, the wave of expanding light, love, compassion, happiness. I am in it, as well as of it. Experiencing and witnessing, all at once. Not in one spot along the rim of the ever-expanding pinprick, but all over it. In every single point, in all dimensions.

I see the Earth, this blue and green planet, then the moon comes into focus, followed by our solar system. The pinprick engulfing the Milky Way, while I continue to ride its crest, expanding into another galaxy, and another, and another…

The sensation of falling backwards, into infinity, with all that is, right in front of me. Being in it, as well as of it. I am it. Infinity. Heaven. On Earth. All of universe is right there, within me. I can feel the sensation, pulsing, pulsing, slow, but steady. A pulse felt in all that is me, today, now. My skin, hair, eyes, all of my inner organs, my heart, brain, all my senses.

It’s as if I’ve gained an extra sense. There’s sight, sharper than before. But known to me. There’s smell, hearing, taste. Touch. Nerve endings tuned in to notice minute details. All known to me, since eons. But richer, sharper, more attuned to actually performing to their fullest capacity.

And then. Something else. Universality. A sense which enriches all the other senses, a heightener. Boosting, maximizing. And then some.

I am in, and of, the universe.
I am not merely human, I am it all.
All that breathes, all that lives, but more, still more.

I am stardust.
Stellar wind blows through me.
I am in, and of, heaven and earth, and all that has ever existed.
And I am not alone. This is what we all are, where we all are.

Known to some, unknown to many. Including me. Up until very recently. But not anymore. Once experienced, it cannot be un-experienced. Like reading. Internalized, forever a part of me.

I just never knew. Wasn’t ready for it before. But it was always there. Within.

I know this. There is no need to search for heaven. It’s already within you. Open up to it. That’s the only thing to do, nothing else, because when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. 
I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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Touching the silence

July 14, 2016
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The other week I had a coaching experience that was something else. It touched the silence, and it’s a genuine privilege when that happens. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there? It can happen in any situation, but I’ve personally only noticed it in conversations.

What I notice is that each participant (and it can be more than one, I’ve experience this in larger groups as well) goes quiet. Not necessarily silent, but more quiet. Voices go softer, more quiet, and there is an almost tangible silence to the conversation, there is something else there. If I was religious I’d say God became present, or participating, and in a way, maybe that is just what happens. Only, I believe we all carry “God” within us. That higher power embodies us all, but we don’t always feel it, experience it, or even remember it’s there.

But we do. And when we touch the silence, that higher power within is very much alive and thriving. This is not something that require a specific setting to come about though, as it’s always there. We have the potential to tap into this higher power at all times, because it’s within us. Always. It’s also what connects us. All of us. At all times.

*giggling a little*

This might come across as though I’ve suddenly been born again, somehow, and you might think all sorts of things about that. But, I don’t care about that, I won’t let my thoughts about what you might or might not think, limit me or my writing. This is my experience and I use this blog as a way to journal, I guess. I journal my experiences, my insights, my ponderings, my questions.

I wrote above that I’ve only experienced this in conversations. 20140501-065402.jpgBut, now that I think about it, that’s not true. I just realized it to being akin to the feeling of flow. And flow is something that I’ve experience by myself many times. I don’t always remember instances of flow, but since I’ve been out flying quite a lot this year, I have noticed that I do tend to end up in flow, on planes, when I bring out my miniPad and write blog posts. Times just wiz by, and I am left with a number of journal-entries/blog posts. Call it whatever you may. But in one sense, they represent moments of me touching the silence, capturing it onto paper, saving them for posterity. Like photographs. A snapshot of my state of mind, at that very moment.

Have you experienced touching the silence, and if so, would you please tell me about it? I’d love to know if this way of describing it resonates with you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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I’m so sorry

June 30, 2016
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I am so sorry, so very very sorry.
For the way it has become.
For my part in it.
For whatever it is that made it this way.

I’m also very tired. Tired of carrying the feeling that there is something to be on the look out for, and that something doesn’t contain any niceties. On the contrary. In something there lies harsh words, needles causing tiny pin pricks, at times just one or two, other times loads of them; sometimes very general, othertimes oh so easy to tell that I’m at bull’s eye and the dart arrow hits right smack in the middle of it, or at least that what it feels like.

Perhaps more than anything, I feel sad about the entire situation. Because I just don’t see the sense in it. And perhaps that affects me more than the rest?

I used to want to make sense of the world, order and structure it to suit my liking, because that made me feel safe and good. I’ve let a lot of that go, but in this instance, at least right now, within my current state of mind while writing this (and who knows if I’ll ever publish it?), I would like to make sense of it.

Won’t you please tell me? Why the animosity? What’s with the pin pricks? What within you makes you believe that’s the way forward? What value do you get from this behaviour? How does this serve you?

I know it doesn’t serve me, at least not in a glaringly obvious way. Perhaps deep down on an unconcious level it does somehow…. what do I know? But it sure doesn’t feel like it does me much good. It drains me of energy. And it’s made me go off one of my favourite pastimes. And that’s a shame, because I really liked hanging around there. Not so much nowadays.

I struggle to make sense of it, and cannot. I uncover a fear or two, that I think can be contributing causes, but, seriously, this has gone on for too long, there has to be more behind it, than just a small fear or two.

coming close

So maybe I did get really close? I certainly let you in, and perhaps, in my loving, I did touch you? Maybe I came close enough to make you see something within you, that perhaps scares you even more? Can that be it?

Well, what do I know?
I don’t. And it’s really not for me to find out either.
I just wish it would stop. I would like to be friends, but barring that, friendly or at least civil would be a great start. More than anything I would like to prove this isn’t how it has to be:

“People want to be loved; failing that admired; failing that feared; failing that hated and despised. They want to evoke some sort of sentiment. The soul shudders before oblivion and seeks connection at any price.”
― Hjalmar Söderberg, Doctor Glas

So what do you say, won’t you please take my outstreched hand and together we can turn a new leaf, start afresh from here, forget what has been and be in the now?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead.

 

I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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