wellbeing

Willing myself to write

Willing myself to write

September 30, 2019
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It’s past ten pm, I have yet to blog and finish a meditation challenge-activity as well as send off a challenging activity of my own to my digital #tankespjärn client, before I hop into bed. Pop the cat is draped elegantly across the sofa, right next to me, my guess is he’ll run after me once I get off the couch, to beat me to bed.

I am not really in blogging-mode, and yet, here I am, willing myself to write. You see, these past months I’ve not made time for blogging in my extremely jam-packed calendar, and it affects me. I ground myself when I write; I become aware of what I am, where I am, who I am when I sit down to let my fingers tip-toe across the keyboard. So the fact that I’ve been a busy bee coupled with the fact that I haven’t blogged is starting to take its toll. Blogging is a part of my wellbeing practice.

Had a friend suggest I ”just write, you don’t need to publish it”. But that’s just it. I don’t ”just write”. Or at least, way too seldom. Publishing my writings is what makes me write, especially as I have the intention to blog daily. That means I write daily, and that is of huge benefit to me.

So here I sit. Ten past ten at night, after a long day of three different networking meetings, four almost-half-hour bike rides, and both choir and guitar practice. Writing. Getting into the habit of blogging daily again. A habit that serves me.

Possibly I should take a helicopter view of my blogging routine, and set up a new set of intentions. Perhaps daily isn’t optimal? Perhaps it should be every other day, perhaps only on weekdays, perhaps… well. Who knows. For now, though, getting back on the horse again seems like the wisest thing I can do.

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2019. As I am.

January 1, 2019
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As I am. 

I asked my friend D to translate “gown off” into Swedish. “Gown off” popped up in my first conversation with my new coach. I described the general feeling of that conversation, and somehow D managed, as so often (always?), put words to that which goes unspoken.

So all of a sudden, “gown off” turned into “as I am”, which feels spot on. This is how I step into 2019, filled with energy and curiosity, with champagne bubbles coursing through my entire body, eager and ecstatic to experience all that is to come, “as I am”. Naked. Raw. Intimate. With power and pleasure.

2019. The year when I will…
* have my bodily wellbeing in focus by:

  • continuing with my daily Seven accompanied by burpees
  • Headspace daily
  • run a minimum of  75 runs
  • take cold (outdoors) baths as often as I can – and add to this by taking cold showers
  • dance Lindy hop as often as I can (taking a class during the spring, and then there’s the social dancing as well!)
  • continuing to ribe my bike and walk as much as possible

* have my mental and spiritual wellbeing in focus by:

  • reading at least 75 books, of which 12 in Swedish and 12 in English already have been chosen. These 12 + 12 I will be blogging about.
  • learn at least five songs by heart including lyrics on the guitar, which will be made possible by my aim at ten minutes of guitar playing on a daily basis
  • I will let the wonderful book The book of Awakening by Mark Nepo be my daily companion
  • hold digital 24-hour sabbats at least twice a month

* have creation in focus by:

  • booking at least four two-day writing retreats during the year
  • keeping up with daily Facebook Lives for as long as there’s energy in doing it
  • blog daily
  • start to pod

* have financial husbandry in focus by:

  • sowing, sowing and sowing a little bit more; on a weekly basis intentionally work on my various income streams
  • keep tabs on my set invoicing goal on a monthly basis
  • keep an accounts book on private income and expenses

And finally – on all levels – experiment and play, experience pleasure and exploring and challenging myself, all the while being gentle to myself!

2019. Here I come. As I am. Gown off! 

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Shame.

May 10, 2018
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Shame.

Hm.

Silence within.

Where to start? What do I want to communicate? What do I really feel after the 75 minute long session on Shame?

Held.
Seen.
Heard.
Acknowledged.

You did it well, long-distance and all. As if you were in the same room, the distance between Malmö-Stockholm annihilated by the SKYPE-connection that gave me your voice into my ears, straight into my head, into my body. When I closed my eyes, it was as if you held me, which you really did, with the help of the sofa I sat in.

I honor myself, and my choice to reach out to you, to start – in a pace dictated solely by the urgings of my Self – to deal with this that has been long forgotten, deeply hidden away; that which I have yet to shine a light on. A good start today, a start that did me good, and felt nice.

During the session thought upon thought was born, associations to various events throughout my life, memories slowly floating up to the surface, connections made – that I had never before seen – that docked into one another like a well-oiled mechanical machinery.

Went for a walk afterwards – just took off, letting the energy stream continue to flow; walked barefoot, threading softly on grassy lawns and pebbled pathways, earthing myself. Landed. Breathed in and let come. And more than that, breathed out and let go.

I can see how I did the best I could, under the circumstances. Clever was your word for it. Yes, I dealt with it in a clever way! But not just me. Others did the best they could, given their circumstances; they also acted clever, based on their perspective, needs, defense mechanisms and abilities.

I can see that too, and with tenderness I gaze into history, at both myself and the others. Not judging. That doesn’t serve me. Knowing there is a chance – in due time. I’m in no rush. This can take as little or as long time as it needs to – to let go, to let the ball dissolve, in the same way that I, with patience and calm untangle skeins of yarn that have become horribly entangled. I am good at untangling knots others believe were impossible to untangle, and that’s what will happen here as well. Only – without any demands for achievement. No deadline. No explicit goal.

And above all else, I do this for me. In my way. For my wellbeing.
Not controlled, not according to a fixed (time) plan. No. What will happen will happen, because it’s what wants to happen, in the moment. Not what I want to happen, definitely not what someone else wants to – or feels should – happen. But what wants to happen.

That’s where I exhale and let go – and enjoy the moment of Now!

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Being gentle to me – Reflection February ’17

February 27, 2017
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It’s been an odd month. A lot of hopelessness and despair, frustration and fear, surrounding me. So what have I been doing to be gentle to me, under these conditions? Well… I’ve let myself off the hook, in many ways. I’ve let up on some of the requirements I normally meet, have let my confused and muddled mind be. A lot of knitting, which for me is a very relaxing activity, where my brain can simply let go. A lot of The Good Wife on Netflix, which works perfectly together with the knitting. I’ve not had the wherewithal to read, so no books. I’ve not been able to make myself focus on some aspects of work, so less of that as well. I’ve done the top priority activities, but cut back on the rest.

Wellbeing picking up againAnd now?
Well. The wellbeing is picking up, on all fronts, mine as well as for those in my surroundings. And it makes it easier to start to focus again, to get into the aspects of work that I’ve not been able to make myself sit down with in the past month. The items that require a bit more from me, a coherent thought, an arc of intention, that demands my full attention. And today, for the first time in a few weeks, I finally truly felt that again. So I enjoyed it, getting into the flow of things, of digging around in a system, searching for the common thread, pondering the best way to recreate it, into a new system, utilizing the best from the old, and trying to let go of the less good bits.

And throughout it all – this underlying knowing that it’s not forever. It will not last, the sense of hopelessness, the lack of energy due to despair. It cannot. Nothing ever does. The flux of life will pick up it’s frequency again, starting to swing back and forth, back and forth, providing me with high’s and low’s. Coupled with the knowledge that whatever it is I am not doing, is noting that won’t keep, the worst case scenarios of me not giving it my all – for a month – simply aren’t that bad, even if I use all of my imagination.

So. Being gentle to me this past month has been about cutting myself some slack, allowing me to recharge my batteries and giving me space to simply Be.

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Being gentle to me – Reflection September ’16

September 27, 2016
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Doing gentle. To me.
What does that mean, to me, right now?
Facing changes ahead, that will have a large impact on life, I am forever grateful to myself, for having learned how to be gentle towards me. The current situation would be much harder to live through, were I not. That’s for sure.

So how has me being gentle towards myself manifested this past month?
doing gentle in septemberI’ve been working hard in the garden, which is definitely one way to practice gentleness towards me. Getting sweaty and dirty, in close contact with soil and plants. Heavenly. Letting head and heart take a rest, to just be. Grounding myself, connecting with nature, getting in touch with my Self and universal Mind.

I’ve been writing. Letting words pour out of me, onto paper (virtual as it might be, it’s still paper). Gaining perspective, discovering where I am at. Making my current state of mind, this constantly fluctuating entity, clear to me, giving me a chance to pay heed when there’s wisdom in the vicinity or sticky thoughts up to no good.

I’ve been cuddling up close to kids and cats. Stealing an extra hug and kiss now and again. Hugging myself as well, knowing the sensation of arms around me helps me get in touch with my innate wellbeing, reminding me it’s there, already and always. Going #PokémonGo:ing with my youngest, chasing Pokémons and enjoying the constant chatter about what’s been caught or seen where, comparing our respective Pokédex, collecting balls and hatching eggs.

Talking to friends. Sitting in silence with them. Holding, and being held. Physically and spiritually. Thriving in the connections created, when sharing in vulnerability, honesty, and mutual respect and compassion. Enjoying the silence that is so rich, when love is all there is. Deepening relationships, evolving from acquaintance to friend. Meeting virtual friends in the flesh, falling into opened arms as if that’s been done hundreds of times before, when in reality (this current reality, at least) for one of these, it was a first.

Life is grand. Absolutely grand. In all its richness, with vibrant colors, thrills and laughter, tears and fears of what might be… and what might not be? Who knows? And it doesn’t matter. What want’s to happen will be welcomed. By me. As I, I am being gentle to myself.

Welcome to my humble abode, where the underlying tone centers around being gentle to oneself. I will be reflecting on a monthly basis on what that means to me, in the moment, and this is one of those reflections. I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future reflections.

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What is your egg?

January 27, 2016
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in Tip
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One thing at a time. It makes sense. And it is a way to be gentle to yourself. Let yourself work on one thing at a time. Even though the urge to take on this, and that, and just a wee bit of this other thing as well, is strong within. And it might work. For sure. It depends on you to a large extent, and to your reasons for doing it. Or perhaps, better stated: it depends upon where the urge comes from. If it’s a sensible and logical conclusion, you’ve decided to stop drinking, smoking, eating too much, start to exercise and cook better food, and only drink green smoothies for breakfast and, and, and… Or if it’s actually something that you know to do. Something that is coming through you, with the quiet wisdom of Mind behind it.

Tim Ferriss talks about an egg. When people approach him, asking for help to get their life together (health, food, exercise and such), he has them start with an egg. You want to change your diet, get healthier, move more, sleep better? Start with an egg. Regardless of what your breakfast routine may look like, if it’s non-existent, or consists of sugar-coated cereal and low-fat milk, or is actually quite sensible. Start with an egg. That’s it. Add an egg. Simple. Boil it. Poach it. Whatever. Just add an egg to your breakfast.

The simple beauty of this is that regardless of what else you do, that egg will be beneficial. You will notice a shift. In endurance. Stamina. Ability to focus. It will help, in all those areas. Perhaps just a wee bit, but if you pay attention, you will spot the difference.

And once you’ve added that egg, noticed the benefits, and gotten into the routine to have your morning egg, then you can add another egg. Only this egg doesn’t have to be an actual egg. It can be a metaphorical egg. Pick one thing you can add, that will work in the same way as the breakfast egg. One tiny thing, as easy as an egg, that will benefit you, in some way.

Perhaps add a 15 minute walk to work? Or a five-minute meditation practice right before going to bed? Smiling at people you meet?

It doesn’t really matter. But add. Don’t subtract. At least not now. It’s so much harder to subtract than to add. Adding feels generous, there’s a sense of abundance to it. Subtracting on the other hand, means depriving yourself of something, actively thinking in negative terms (don’t do this, avoid that), and it’s actually hard on the brain to grasp.

Don’t think about the blue elephant wearing red smiling trunks, sitting up in the tree.

Yeah right. I’m definitely picturing that in my mind now. And you know why? Because the brain doesn’t register the ”don’t”. We picture the elephant, we can’t picture NOT picturing the elephant. So if nothing else – perhaps you can add the egg of talking in positives. Of framing your wishes, your dreams and desires, in positives. Avoid the negative words, the not’s, and observe what happens.

I’ve added eggs to my life. Sometimes an egg at a time, and sometimes enough to make an omelette. Some of these I have a long history with, some are newer.
*Having yoghurt and fresh fruit for lunch.
*My morning green smoothie.
*Headspace meditation before getting up in the morning
*Doing my Seven exercise before getting dressed.
*Getting myself a coach, whom I meet with regularly.
*Smiling at people I meet, regardless if I know them or not.whatsyouregg
*Taking active part in a MasterMind-group every third week, just to name a few…

Guess what? They are all beneficial. And, even more importantly, I am sticking with them. I enjoy them, I benefit from them, my life is better because of them. Sometimes I forget the odd egg here or there, but fairly quickly I pick up the habit again, whatever it is. Because I matter. My wellbeing is the most important thing for me. If I am well, living a rich life, taking care of my health both mentally and physically, it means I can be there for you. And I want to be there for you. That’s another reason why I am sticking to my eggs. It benefits me. And those around me.

In time, your eggs will automatically have the effect of ousting the bad eggs in your life, so to speak. So. If you could add a (metaphorical) egg to your life, what would it be?

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