wholehearted

Wholeheartedness – Reflection December ’17

Wholeheartedness – Reflection December ’17

December 25, 2017
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My final reflective blog post on the intention I placed upon 2017: Wholeheartedness – living life wholeheartedly. I’ve already started to reflect quite a lot on my upcoming yearly intention, earlier than what has normally been the case for me. So the intention for 2018 feels like it’s one born out of necessity, out of a willingness and urge to explore what might come with a year of intentional living… but not so fast, my dear. I have yet to do this final reflection on wholeheartedness.

wholehearted me december 2017Given all the ups and downs of 2017, I have most definitely been aided by having this intention. Not letting myself forget, that it’s my life, it’s my heart, and I am the one in charge of making, creating, shaping my life in a manner most coherent with my beliefs, wishes, desires, aspirations, goals, values – call it whatever you like, I am still the one in charge. It’s on me.

And nowadays, for me, that’s a very hopeful and inspiring statement to make: I’m in charge. It’s on me.

The old Helena would have been intimidated by it, scared, and most of all, reluctant to honor it – reluctant to honor myself, in a sense, not believing I had it in me, not wanting to own my life and my experiences, believing life was easier if someone else was responsible. But alas – that’s not how it works. No one else can be responsible, because I am the one who shape my experience of my life. It comes from within. Being open to that, to all of my experiences, sure makes a difference. And that, in and of itself, is perhaps a definition of wholeheartedness? Not shying away from anything, not even the stuff most difficult to face, the bits and pieces of me that I have spun stories around, making it shameful, despicable, unworthy.

Being open to all of me, my whole heart, has helped me put less and less weight upon the stories I spin that are no longer serving me – and with that I have more energy for that which serves me: such as living a wholehearted life.

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Wholehearted – Reflection November ’17

November 29, 2017
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conflicting emotionsIn the last month I’ve had been in conversations with a few loved ones into topics less often broached (by me, at the very least), such as menopause and money, desire and divorce, sex and shame. All of them topics well worth a conversation or two. Or more, lots more than two.

I am, slowly and steadily, approaching these topics, and my oftentimes conflicting emotions around them. It sure helps to have people close to me whom I can discuss them with – voicing even that which I am ashamed of, in the knowledge that it will be received with grace and tenderness. I’ve chosen wisely. My loved ones are people I trust completely.

Mmm.
Just writing that last sentence brings a smile to my face, and a warmth that sweeps across my insides.

How sweet it is, to sit here, knowing deep within, that I am worthy of this.
Worthy of having people close to me, worthy of loving and being loved.

It’s not always been apparent to me, this inherent worthiness, that I share with each and every soul on earth. I know it’s not apparent to many of you either. I wish you will be converted, as I’ve been, into this words-are-unnecessary-and-couldn’t-describe-it-anyway type of knowledge – and perhaps, knowing it’s possible to go from one to the other can make a difference?

Wholeheartedly, I do my very best to embrace myself, the light and the darkness, the skills that are so easily perceived, as well as the hidden potential, yet to be uncovered. It’s there. I hide it. From me. From you. But I hide less and less. And spending time with people who do the same – show up, in their full glory of humanness – is such an inspiration. It helps me. You are my role models. From you I generate strength, passion and ideas and, most importantly, you are my invaluable sounding boards, allowing me to bounce my insecurities, fears and desires off.

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What my children learn watching me?

June 17, 2017
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propped up in bedToday is my birthday, and as I sit here, still propped up against the pillows in bed, getting ready for the day – which will be spent preparing for and having people over in the afternoon and evening – I come across this phrase:

”What are your children learning
as they watch you?”

I could ask them. Actually, that’s a good idea, I think I will, one day in the not too distant future.

I can also look within, and reflect upon what I wish and hope that the learn while watching me.

I hope my children learn (in no specific order)…
– to be gentle towards themselves.
– to laugh at all things possible to laugh at (and with).
– to be generous, both in spirit and with physical means that can grant relief to a fellow human.
– that it’s ok to experience all emotions possible to experience; to not be afraid of feeling whatever comes in the moment.
– to dream wildly and to do the work that will take them one step closer towards fulfilling that dream, and then another step, and another…
– to be kind in heart, helpful and openminded.
– to open their homes to those in need.
– that thoughts aren’t Truth, but rather a suggestion, that they, in each given moment, can ask How does this serve me?. And if the answer is It doesn’t, to know that they can let go of that thought, to let the next one come.
– the importance of thinking one step further – that the choices we make has implications down the line, not simply for us as individuals, but for all of us, for flora and fauna and the Earth itself.
– to enjoy life! The richness of it, the textures, smells and flavors, the vistas and thrills, the high’s and low’s of the eternal rollercoaster we call life!
– to love. Wholeheartedly. With all they’ve got.
– to dance through life, and especially, to dance with whom- och whatever comes knowing at the door.
the importance to look after ones Self, in spirit and body alike.
– to read! All the worlds available to us in the form of books is such a treasure.
– to ask questions and be forever curious.
– to be open to what wants to happen next.
– to grace life with beauty and tenderness as well as lots of hugs and kisses! You can never get too many hugs, that’s for sure.

I believe I could go on and on, listing all the things I wish my children learn from watching me; all the while knowing that I am not all of this at all times – far from it. It is my intention though, to live life wholeheartedly with these aims top of mind. And when I slip or forget, to get back on track and above all, to be gentle with myself at all times.

Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you:
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection May ’17

May 4, 2017
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Dropping all againstness. No. Not even dropping it. Not an act, I’ve not deliberately dropped anything, it simply vanished, disappeared into thin air. No more struggling against that which is, against that which is not, trying to transform what is or is not into the opposite position.

Feeling scared. At first.
Feeling ashamed. As well.

And then… those feelings went the same way as all my againstness; one day, simply gone.

Now. A touch of sadness remains, but also tranquility. I am with the isness of it all; nothing more, nothing less. Just that. All of it. In the isness, all that is, and all that is not is contained; held in a space of love where all is, as it is.

Wholehearted?
You bet! All of it. Every last piece of it. It’s all there.isness

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection April ’17

April 1, 2017
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Ghost in the shellSitting in bed after having a slow morning. Went to the movies last night, the late night show, which I never ever go to. Except yesterday. And it was a nice break from what I usually do. Before the movies my friend Michael Sillion had thrown out an invitation to a #FutureDinner in the universe, and we ended up being five people at Satori, eating, talking, connecting; going deep.

It was a great experience, and I feel as if I’ve been shaken from my complacent and slightly lethargic “non-routine of socializing”, because truth be told, I’ve become more of a recluse since me and hubby separated, than any of us would have thought. I think I’ve needed it, but now, I think I need to start to aim myself outwards again. I mean, I am all about the inside and boy do I ever listen closely to whatever wants to happen, from within. But it’s time, to also listen more to what wants to happen without – me in the company of others. Wholeheartedly.

When Michael made the invite, I was so close to saying No thank you. Without really thinking about it. I managed to stop myself though, and deliberately decided to break out of my rut, by saying Yes, thank you, I’d love to join you!

It takes effort.
It’s easier, and less exhausting, to simply stay within the narrow confines of home and closest family. But I want more now. I want different. I want to spice up life, with other peoples input, thoughts, ideas, strange beliefs making me go: Huh, never thought about that, how fascinating!

So – anybody wanna join me and the kids for dinner tonight?

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#blogg100 – Rising strong.

March 18, 2017
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The intention I set for 2017 is wholeheartedness, and the book Rising strong by Brené Brown that I read in 2016 played a great part in making it so.

“Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives;
it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.”

Rising StrongRising strong. Means what?
To you? I don’t know.
To me – living, falling down, getting up, showing up, vulnerable and courageous; and still to keep on. One step at a time.

“We need more people who are willing to demonstrate what it looks like to risk and endure failure, disappointment, and regret – people willing to feel their own hurt instead of working it out on other people, people willing to own their stories, live their values, and keep showing up.”

When I am with people who do this, who step out on a limb, who demonstrate what life is all about, they grant me space to do the same. They don’t hog the space, don’t steal the lime light from me and you and the rest of us. On the contrary I would say. They make the light shine so brightly, so far and wide, that we are all in it, we all have the space and place to be who we are. With all the trapping of human life on earth.

Brené Brown is a qualitative reasearcher, specifically a grounded theory researcher, and as such, she’s interviewed thousands of people on the topics she’s focussing her theory on. And what she found to be the common trait of people who live wholeheared lives is this:

“They’re curious about the emotional world and they face discomfort straight-on.”

For me, my whole life started to pivot once I stopped being afraid of whom I might meet when I looked within, when I started to be curious instead. Now, meeting me, within me, or in meeting you, is the most fascinating exploration of all – never really knowing what might pop up, and in constant wonderment, rather than the fear of “bad traits”, of jealousy and greed, of stingyness and weakness. No. I don’t fear myself anymore, the light and the shadow both are welcome. More than welcome even, greatly anticipated! Jumping up and down on the spot, eagerly awaiting the coming of what-ever-may-be, like a small child waiting for a favorite uncle. Ready to face it, come what may. Thrills and lows alike, warmly embraced and faced.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 18 of 100.
The book “Rising strong” by Brené Brown.
English posts here, Swedish at
herothecoach.com.

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The shape-shifting of life

February 24, 2017
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The changes… Think back a month or two, to the despair, anxiety, worry for the future. And look at where you are at today! Filled with hope, in love with life and others, a bounce in your step’s that you couldn’t even imagine a few months back.

This, is life.
Truly, this is what life is about.

The constant evolving of a present, that shape-shifts constantly. Harsh and cold at one time, embracing and warm the next. Anxiousness abounds, to be replaced by being in love. The heartwreanching loneliness, to never be loved again, held, desired and caressed, replaced by the closeness of two bodies, breathing in the breath of a loved one in a passionate kiss.

Shape-shifting
How life can be at the very bottom… with the instinct to shut it off, let go, and simply never have to live through another millisecond of pain. And then. You go on, not letting go, not ending life, and all of a sudden, there’s this tiny tiny shift in the darkness, one ray of light entering a crack, and simsalabim, it’s daylight. Bright and shiny, and hope abounds again. Yet again.

This is, to some extent, my story.
But more than that, it’s yours. You whom I have followed, and held, and loved, and cried with. My soul-sister in life, in exploring with vulnerability, what it means to live wholeheartedly. With intent. Openness to what may come.

And see – what has come, you would not have thought just a few weeks ago. And yet, here it is.

Life. Fantastic. Frustrating. Filled with fear and then… not!
The shape-shifting of life, is perhaps, what makes life worth living?

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Wholeheartedness – Reflection February ’17 

February 1, 2017
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A month of having wholeheartedness as my intention for the year.
staying togetherA month of breakthroughs.
Where me and my husband have made a decision to stay together while continuing to live apart.

Where I have seen patterns of old, patterns that no longer serve me or anyone around me for that matter. And just seeing patterns like this, means they start to fall apart, no longer the easiest route for my system to revert to when triggered. The path no longer represents the automatic and unconcious way ahead.

Where I see how easy it is for me to say Yes. To be open to opportunity, to possibility. Saying Yes, and learning new things. And yet. Also cramming my schedule. Knowing I can fit it all in, deliver the goods…. with the cost of putting myself on the backburner. As a solopreneur, once in a while this is a wise move. Given one thing: that I take extra care of myself these upcoming months, ensure I stick to my daily rituals, that so vitalize me, makes me nourish connections and be aware of the contribution I am bringing to the world.

A month of deep inner discovery and exploration. Of expansion. This word that so lights me up. It’s like a balloon for me – filling with gas, rising higher and higher. Seeing more, encompassing more, taking in more. And at the same time, not just having focus on the “more”, but also revelling in all that is. The mix of the new and the old, that which has been within me for a long time, and that which is new. In fertile soil, new things sprout from the collisions of new and old, growth results, and I, I am walking around in my internal garden, like a happy gardener, tending, caring for, watering and weeding, as needed.

A month that makes me grateful for being alive. For living and breathing. Wholeheartedly.

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A cruel and heartless world, anyone?

September 29, 2016
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BoldomaticPost_It-s-not-our-job-to-toughen-oI read the quote by L R Knost on what our job is, what my job is, and I nod, agree, and then give a deep sigh. Not because I disagree. I don’t, not at all. I agree wholeheartedly!

The sigh comes more from having met so many people – in person, or via their writings, articles, blog posts, or through their social media presence, tweets, Facebook status updates and the likes – who seem to think the opposite. People who state “It’s a tough world and if kids don’t get knocked around a bit – metaphorically at least – during their upbringing and time in school, they will not know what hit them when they grow up and join ‘the real world’ as adults“.

Maybe not spoken in those exact words, but definitely sending that message. And I simply do not believe that is the way towards a more loving and peaceful world. On the contrary. And for me, the trick is this: I cannot raise my children to be more loving and wholehearted if I am cruel and heartless. Again – kids (and everyone else as well, I dare say) do as we do, not as we say.

It’s time to walk the talk. For real. Because I want to do my job, I want to be a part of making the world a little less cruel and heartless, and more loving and peaceful.

But how? How do I do that? How do I act lovingly? What is a wholehearted action? How do I show up in the world, lovingly and wholeheartedly?

I think I might write down a few bullet points for loving and wholehearted respectively, translating the fluffy words into actual activities (actions, words, gestures). Then I can look within to see if I am walking my talk, or not. What do you think, are you?

Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com in a jumble of Swedish and English. This post is a sample of what I’ve been writing – in English – there over the years. As of 2016 all my English posts appear here instead. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.

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A cruel and heartless world, anyone?

February 11, 2016
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BoldomaticPost_It-s-not-our-job-to-toughen-oI read the quote by L R Knost on what our job is, what my job is, and I nod, agree, and then give a deep sigh. Not because I disagree. I don’t, not at all. I agree wholeheartedly!

The sigh comes more from having met so many people – in person, or via their writings, articles, blog posts, or through their social media presence, tweets, Facebook status updates and the likes – who seem to think the opposite. People who state “It’s a tough world and if kids don’t get knocked around a bit – metaphorically at least – during their upbringing and time in school, they will not know what hit them when they grow up and join ‘the real world’ as adults“.

Maybe not spoken in those exact words, but definitely sending that message. And I simply do not believe that is the way towards a more loving and peaceful world. On the contrary. And for me, the trick is this: I cannot raise my children to be more loving and wholehearted if I am cruel and heartless. Again – kids (and everyone else as well, I dare say) do as we do, not as we say.

It’s time to walk the talk. For real. Because I want to do my job, I want to be a part of making the world a little less cruel and heartless, and more loving and peaceful.

But how? How do I do that? How do I act lovingly? What is a wholehearted action? How do I show up in the world, lovingly and wholeheartedly?

I think I might write down a few bullet points for loving and wholehearted respectively, translating the fluffy words into actual activities (actions, words, gestures). Then I can look within to see if I am walking my talk, or not. What do you think, are you?

Welcome to the English writings of Helena Roth. Since 2012 I have blogged over at herothecoach.com and this post is a sample of what I’ve been writing over the years. I hope you enjoy this #ThrowbackThursday, originally published here, and if you do, please subscribe to updates so you won’t miss out on future posts.
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