William Martin

Result – success – failure

Result – success – failure

September 12, 2017
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”Call results, ’results’,
without labeling one as success
and another as failure
and your children will learn freedom from fear.”

And n o t only when it comes to what your children are doing/producing. No. For all of it. For all of what y o u yourself are doing/producing.

ResultsAll your results, are r e s u l t s. Results are facts.
This happened. That did not happen.

What happened, or did not happen, is not ‘success’. It is not ‘failure’.
Those are opinions. Your opinions on the fact, i.e. the ‘result’.

And when you treat your own results this way, your children, employees, siblings, friends and coworkers, will all have an opportunity to learn something, for themselves. Learn how not to hinder and hamper their own progress, their own desire and drive to try things out, to experiment, to learn and allow themselves the frustration and amazement at being a total newbie, by calling their results, ‘results’. Because that’s what you do. This is how we can be role models for those around us. By being it. Full out. Fearless.

And honestly – you will be in the minority.
Just look around you – how many do you know, that call results ‘results’?

Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you:
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.

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Teach a different lesson.

July 3, 2017
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BoldomaticPost_Start-today-to-teach-a-differ”Notice today how your children label things.
‘This stinks.’
‘That’s stupid.’
Don’t correct them.
Just notice and consider how they learned.
Start today to teach a different lesson.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone say we are not all teachers.

We are.
All of us.

Not necessarily educated school teachers, but we are certainly all teachers of Life.

Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you:
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.

 

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What my children learn watching me?

June 17, 2017
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propped up in bedToday is my birthday, and as I sit here, still propped up against the pillows in bed, getting ready for the day – which will be spent preparing for and having people over in the afternoon and evening – I come across this phrase:

”What are your children learning
as they watch you?”

I could ask them. Actually, that’s a good idea, I think I will, one day in the not too distant future.

I can also look within, and reflect upon what I wish and hope that the learn while watching me.

I hope my children learn (in no specific order)…
– to be gentle towards themselves.
– to laugh at all things possible to laugh at (and with).
– to be generous, both in spirit and with physical means that can grant relief to a fellow human.
– that it’s ok to experience all emotions possible to experience; to not be afraid of feeling whatever comes in the moment.
– to dream wildly and to do the work that will take them one step closer towards fulfilling that dream, and then another step, and another…
– to be kind in heart, helpful and openminded.
– to open their homes to those in need.
– that thoughts aren’t Truth, but rather a suggestion, that they, in each given moment, can ask How does this serve me?. And if the answer is It doesn’t, to know that they can let go of that thought, to let the next one come.
– the importance of thinking one step further – that the choices we make has implications down the line, not simply for us as individuals, but for all of us, for flora and fauna and the Earth itself.
– to enjoy life! The richness of it, the textures, smells and flavors, the vistas and thrills, the high’s and low’s of the eternal rollercoaster we call life!
– to love. Wholeheartedly. With all they’ve got.
– to dance through life, and especially, to dance with whom- och whatever comes knowing at the door.
the importance to look after ones Self, in spirit and body alike.
– to read! All the worlds available to us in the form of books is such a treasure.
– to ask questions and be forever curious.
– to be open to what wants to happen next.
– to grace life with beauty and tenderness as well as lots of hugs and kisses! You can never get too many hugs, that’s for sure.

I believe I could go on and on, listing all the things I wish my children learn from watching me; all the while knowing that I am not all of this at all times – far from it. It is my intention though, to live life wholeheartedly with these aims top of mind. And when I slip or forget, to get back on track and above all, to be gentle with myself at all times.

Inspired to continue blogging on the theme from the #blogg100-challenge in 2017 I give you:
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.

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#blogg100 – All that is to come.

June 8, 2017
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”Every moment is a death
of all that has gone before,
and a birth
of all that is to come.”

Here I am, in a moment that is the death of the #blogg100 challenge 2017 – writing one hundred blog posts over one hundred days. Challenge completed. One hundred blog posts later, I am thrilled at the theme I picked for the challenge this year: writing about and reflecting on sentences or phrases I have read in books. I’ve blogged in English and Swedish both, and have a hard time grasping the fact that this is the last blog post of the hundred. It’s been such a joy to dive even deeper into the chosen books – finally giving myself an outlet for all the wise, witty, funny, amazing, thought provoking, beautiful and moving passages that touch me, that I mark off with a pencilled in star, exclamation mark, wiggly line, or simply by taking a snapshot of the page, saving it in my Evernote.

Here I am, in a moment that is the birth of all that is to come. I will continue to blog in this style, the way I’ve done it during the challenge, because I have so much more to reflect upon around the books I am reading. I have but skimmed the surface, with reflections on snippets from seven books I’ve read and written about in English, and nine in Swedish. It will, likely, not be a daily post, but then again, who knows what is to come…

What I do know is that just from the sixteen books I’ve referenced so far, I’ve still got material for hundreds more blog posts! There is so much wonderfully written wisdom to be had at easy access in books – those I’ve read, and those I’ve not yet opened – that I could continue on this theme forever if it would suit me. There’s so much more I also want to share in my writings, that I will not limit myself to this – but what I do notice is how my ability to be fully present to the Now, to feel, to observe, to note what happens inside as well as outside of me, is expanding. I have been enjoying the books I’ve read, unusually so, and the same goes for everything else in life as well.

Hugging my kids. Sitting on a train watching the fast-moving and beautiful vistas outside the window. The color and smell of the blooming lilacs.

Enjoying life, because I can.

lilacs

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 100 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – At ease with my body.

June 3, 2017
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”All young children are naturallyshaming you
at ease with their bodies.
As they grow, they are shamed by others
and become self-conscious and filled with tension.”

I look at my children – and know, this is true.
I look at myself – and know, this is true.
I look around me, at other children I know, at friends and relatives, and at complete strangers – and know, this is true.
And even worse… I help in the shaming. Often unwittingly, unknowingly… But sometimes – oh how it breaks my heart to confess to this – with my full awareness, deliberately, consciously…

Children are not self-conscious, until we – I? Society? Culture? – makes them so?! And in truth, it’s not being self-consious in itself that’s the problem, but rather that we – I? Society? Culture? – are painting a picture of what is the desired state of being, a picture that all but a few individuals would ever be able to fit into, neither physically or psychologically.

Isn’t it strange that being self-consious has negative connotations? When in reality, it should be a good thing. Being consious of my self, aware, knowing myself well, open to my inner life, my thoughts and feelings – how has that become a negative thing? Because of the comparisons? The constant comparisons we are engaged in, to the thin, tall yet voluptous and willing women and the tanned, muscular and sexy men we see all around ut (photoshopped into perfection) on billboards and commercials, in music videos and movies, but very seldom, extremely rarely, in real life, as flesh and blood people walking beside us? Not even the photoshopped-into-perfection-people look like their perfect self in real life, in flesh and blood.

What a weird world. How is this serving us – both on an individual level and as a society? Is it? How is it helping us to become resilient human beings, creating a sustainable way of life for us, our children, grand-children and generations to come? What if… instead of making our children self-consious and filled with tension, we helped them become self-consious, aware, and filled with an urge to be self-honoring. Self-honoring, this wonderful concept my coach invited into my life.

Self-honoring; Honoring my self in all manners possible – which also includes letting go of the limiting and harmful images of what a Perfect Woman and a Perfect Man is supposed to look like? Being at ease with my body – the best way I can encourage children all around me, to remain at ease with their bodies? Being at ease with my body; even though I am not, fully. Not yet. Getting there – one step at a time. Wanting to be, completely.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 95 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – You are not.

May 31, 2017
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”You may feel alone,
and separated,
and powerless.
But you are not.”

At times… it can feel like I am.
Alone.
Separated.
Powerless.

But it is, as always, a feeling, stemming from a thought. And thoughts aren’t Truth, to be taken at face value. Thoughts are thoughts, and like some of the more obviously ridiculous ones, all thoughts can be treated with a bit of a distance. Look at them, while asking yourself How does this serve me?

Taking thoughts seriously is a choice I make. And as it is a choice, why not be deliberate in my intentions – choosing to take seriously thoughts that do serve me, rather than the ones that do not?

you are notThis does not mean I do not feel alone. Separated. Sad. Angry. Upset, grieving, confused. Any and all shapes feelings can take on – they are there. I experience them, from time to time. It simply means, that when I’m in this emotional space and place, my bigger Self often step forward, gently hugging me, telling me I’m ok, and saying Look, there’s a thought that’s making you feel really bad. How is that serving you?

Making it possible for me to not only experience, but simultaneously observe, bear witness. And, most importantly, allow me a moment of pause, to make my deliberate decision, whether or not to continue to focus on the feeling, or not.

Because.
I may feel alone, separated and powerless.
But.
I. Am. Not.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 92 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Two to tango.

May 26, 2017
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”Battles require two parties.
One fighting alone soon tires.”

In the same way that it takes two to tango, right?!

But oh, can this be a tough nut to crack. Actually trying to live it is not the easiest, that’s for sure. I gather it’s not just the situation at hand that makes it hard to choose my battles wisely, it’s so much more.

History – what I’ve experienced before, in similar situations; what I thought then and how that made me feel.

Preconceived notions, about child-rearing and parenthood, about being a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a colleague, boss, friend.

The ingrained patterns I’ve picked up along the way, making for quick and easy shortcuts from stimuli to full on battle in the blink of an eyelid… before I’ve had a chance to collect my wits and ask myself: what serves me here? What’s the best me to bring to the situation? And if I cannot, what can I do to pause this before anyone gets hurt?

battlingBut once in a while, I manage to disengage – or not engage at all to begin with – from an ongoing fight, and yes, it’s quite amazing what happens when the tension is released. Because that’s what battling requires – two (or more) parties exerting tension; one pushing, the other shoving; one shouting, the other shouting louder; one throwing a punch, the other dodging, getting ready to throw a punch of his or her own. When I use my energy for something other than battling you;  no longer applying the tension that helps you define your position – both of us has a chance to get a new perspective upon the situation we’re in. And then… anything can happen!

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 87 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Allow yourself the same.

May 19, 2017
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”Give your children time to play without agenda,
to read without purpose,
to daydream without limits,
and to discover without fear.
Allow yourself the same.”

In a society giving praise to the highest possible efficiency, constantly striving for better, more, higher, larger, cheaper, I suspect the lines above might cause severe discomfort.

Without an agenda? Surely not! Must there not be an agenda, always knowing what we are headed for, what the goal is?

Reading without purpose, just for the…. fun of it? For the pleasure of it? Simply because it’s something we want to do. Not to get better, to learn, to widen our horizons, to sharpen our argumentative skills…. but simply, because we want to?

Dream without limits – oh no! Stay down, little one, you cannot break any glass ceilings, you are the wrong color, gender, sexuality, religion, ehtnicity…

And the last one.
Discover without fear.
Perhaps the one raising the most objections?
Fear. Ever-present, and almost revered.

Oh no, surely I cannot do that, it might be dangerous!

What, me? No way, there’s no way I can give a talk in front of onehundred people, I’d surely make a mess of it.

Get out of that tree, you might fall down, son!

Watch out for strangers, you never know what they might be up to!

When faced with phrases like this, we commiserate, nod sympathetically and share the sentiments… all the while sending the signal that this fear is real, it actually is something to avoid, that danger might befall you and your loved ones. But is it true? Is there – truly – danger ahead? Or are we simply paying too much attention on thoughts that don’t serve us at all?

discover without fear

What might we – I – discover, if the volume of the internal fear-monger is lowered? What might be experienced, learned, lived, if curiosity is allowed to take the place of fear? What’s there to discover?

Allow myself the same… If I don’t – what message am I sending my children and those around me? Is it the message I want to send?

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 80 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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#blogg100 – Worthy of imitation.

May 13, 2017
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The parents Tao Te Ching is brimful of little nuggets (and large ones for that matter). Nuggets that makes me gasp for air, shake my head with regret at what I’ve omitted to give my children during their upbringing, nod in agreement, rejoice at having learned how to and what I actually have done as a role model for them… and every other sentiment available for a parent, regardless of the age of the children. Mine are seventeen going on eighteen, and twelve going towards thirteen.

kidsAs I read and experience all of the above mentioned, and then some, I don’t wallop myself over the head, blaming myself for not having been a better parent, damning myself for not doing that, or for doing this. No. What has been has been, and that’s as it should be. But I can look at it, what has been, and take it in – what I did, what I did not. Why I did, why I did not. Looking within, reflecting, daring myself to look in the mirror that the book holds up in front of me, and with an open heart and mind, look at my reflection.

Gently, I look at myself, at what I see, at what the past has to show me, and learn from it. Because there’s a lot of road ahead of me, as a parent, still. It is not too late to ask for forgiveness, for those things I’ve done or not, that might have been harmful in some way. Acknowledging it, and, more importantly, learning from it. Trying out new ways to parent, new ways of relating to my precious children, as they are fast approaching adulthood. Being the best parent and person I can, in words as well as action. Because, and we all know this, and it’s one of the first quotes in the foreword to the book as well, in the words of James Baldwin:

”Children have never been very good at listening to what their parents tell them, but they never fail to imitate them.”


And as they come of age, being a role model worthy of imitation has never felt as important. Giving me great cause to continue to learn, to grow, expand as a human being. To continue to walk the path of my life, with gentleness and curiosity, making sure I grasp every opportunity to laugh and enjoy life to it’s utmost.

#Blogg100 challenge in 2017 – post number 74 of 100.
The book “The parents Tao Te Ching” by William Martin.
English posts here, Swedish at herothecoach.com.

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