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Insights that truly shake me to my core

Insights that truly shake me to my core

May 17, 2020
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I haven’t gotten the text on the victim vs perpetrator-perspective in the bag yet. Did discuss it with some wise friends today, and… it will come. I won’t let it go. But it’s still not ready.

And then… I wrote another text last night, after having done three more prompts in The Creative’s Workshop. The prompts gave me an insight into two modes of mine, perform/deliver and discovery, and the text I wrote a few hours later was directly related to this.

You see, a while after finishing those prompts, I got such a massive insight into my own behaviors, into where I slide easily into discovery mode, and where I stick to perform/deliver as if it was a life-raft, even though it’s most likely dragging me down, rather than saving me.

And it’s gotten to be a habit – a routine? Or perhaps even a ritual? – to write in situations like this. When hit by insights that truly shake me to my core, putting fingers to keyboard helps me find, what it is I suddenly see. It’s a way for me to step fully through the door that the insight invites me into, which is the way I describe what tankespjärn is. So yes. Insights, for me, are most often tankespjärn of the highest quality!

This insight is personal. Deeply personal.
And I don’t know if it’s to be shared widely.
Not yet.

I have to digest it a bit, wrap myself (not my head. My self! Significant difference for a recovering head-footer-person, i.e. the head with feet attached that small children draw as their first attempt at humans, that I am.) around it, and just let it be.

I did share it with two of my absolutely closest compadres, directly. They are as close to me as my own skin, in many ways, and I know, there’s nothing but love and support to be gotten from them. And within minutes and hours, I had gotten just that, from both of them. Love. Support. And more love.

The process… now and again, there are variations to the general process of writing, and this is one of them. When it’s something that hits home, deeply affecting me, I need to make sure that I am not bleeding from any wounds, before sharing. If I am, the reader gets more than they should, and it’s not fair on them. It’s not for me to spread my hurts, wounds, sorrows, on others, widely.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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I see how others…

March 2, 2020
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I see how others write, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to write like that.
But then I realize, I write the way I write. And I’ve found a flow in my language that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the writing of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

Doodle from a session on Innovation and ontological design by Karl McFaul and Michael Sillion, at Studio in Malmö, 2018.

I see how others draw, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to draw like that.
But then I realize, I draw the way I draw. And I’ve found a flow in my doodling (more than anything) that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the drawings of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others take photographs, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to take photographs like that.
But then I realize, I take photographs the way I take photographs. And I’ve found a flow in my photography that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the photography of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others make music, and I go Oh, I’d like to be able to make music like that.
But then I realize, I don’t necessarily make music if by making music I mean to compose. But I make music, in the way that I sing, play the guitar, and dance (isn’t that a way of making music as well?). And I’ve found a flow in how I sing and play and dance that I enjoy and like. So… it’s more a matter of enjoying the music-making of others, and possibly be inspired by it.

I see how others respond to being tagged, or how generously they comment on the posts of others when stumbling upon them, and I go Oh. Why haven’t I thought of that? That’s something I could easily do, myself.
And then I realize, that’s the beauty of a community such as The Creative’s Workshop. I can be inspired by all these wonderful creators, in any way, shape or form that I like, without ever having to belittle myself or beat myself up for not having thought of something first. I can simply bear witness and try things on, see if it’s a fit, see how I can comment more generously, connect more graciously, create more humbly.

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There are darlings to be killed

October 28, 2019
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You should write and publish with a delay, so you have time to go back and review/rewrite your posts after a few days, a week, or so, he said, giving me something to ponder.

And yes.
I should.
And more importantly.
I want to.

Because I know the quality of my texts would improve if I did. If I write, leave be for a while, and then revisit my texts, it’s easier to kill darlings when there are darlings to be killed; easier to twist and turn the text to ensure the message is clear as can be: easier to sense into the relevance of the text.

When I give myself (and you, dear reader) this gift, my texts are better, more to the point, hold greater clarity and fewer detours and/or dead ends.

So.
Yes.
I should.
And more importantly.
I want to.

And…. this has repercussions. Because I don’t have seven days worth of blog posts planned and scheduled. Let alone fourteen days worth. Which is where I ”should be at” if I want to make this shift.

Luckily, at this very moment I am sitting opposite Sara, who lovingly invited herself to come join me for one of my planned writing retreats. Since we’ve done writing retreats together with much success on previous occasions, I happily accepted, and now, sitting here, I know I am beholden to her. Without her presence, I would most likely be running circles around myself, doing anything but w r i t e, just like I did my last attempt.

So I give myself a mission to get seven days worth of blog posts in the pipeline, thereby giving me the opportunity to write, and revisit, before publishing.

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Willing myself to write

September 30, 2019
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It’s past ten pm, I have yet to blog and finish a meditation challenge-activity as well as send off a challenging activity of my own to my digital #tankespjärn client, before I hop into bed. Pop the cat is draped elegantly across the sofa, right next to me, my guess is he’ll run after me once I get off the couch, to beat me to bed.

I am not really in blogging-mode, and yet, here I am, willing myself to write. You see, these past months I’ve not made time for blogging in my extremely jam-packed calendar, and it affects me. I ground myself when I write; I become aware of what I am, where I am, who I am when I sit down to let my fingers tip-toe across the keyboard. So the fact that I’ve been a busy bee coupled with the fact that I haven’t blogged is starting to take its toll. Blogging is a part of my wellbeing practice.

Had a friend suggest I ”just write, you don’t need to publish it”. But that’s just it. I don’t ”just write”. Or at least, way too seldom. Publishing my writings is what makes me write, especially as I have the intention to blog daily. That means I write daily, and that is of huge benefit to me.

So here I sit. Ten past ten at night, after a long day of three different networking meetings, four almost-half-hour bike rides, and both choir and guitar practice. Writing. Getting into the habit of blogging daily again. A habit that serves me.

Possibly I should take a helicopter view of my blogging routine, and set up a new set of intentions. Perhaps daily isn’t optimal? Perhaps it should be every other day, perhaps only on weekdays, perhaps… well. Who knows. For now, though, getting back on the horse again seems like the wisest thing I can do.

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When earth shrinks and the universe opens wide

April 15, 2019
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Once in a while, significant events take place. Such as …

Birth.
Death.
Marriage.
Divorce.

Those are a few of the more obvious significant events in life. But there are more. Events that make earth shrink and turn minuscule, all the while the universe opens up, ready to be explored.

Patterns are broken, limiting stories cease to be true, a life is being lived – in its totality.

Told D who, wise as always, told me (paraphrasing) Write, write, write, about all that has just taken place. Write to yourself, and open the letter at the earliest in a year. Write, as a gift to you.

So I lit a candle, filled up my teacup with warm water, and wrote, wrote, wrote. Three full pages. To me. About an event that made the earth shrink and turn minuscule. An event that made the universe open wide, ready to be explored.

By me.

Universe.
Here I come!

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I write. But not lyrics. Yet?

February 9, 2019
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I write.
Not as much as I read. But I write.
Since August 2012 in the form of blogging, before that (and also after) more writing at work… the number of routines, and test protocols and reports of various kinds I’ve written during the years, you’d not want to know, neither would I.

This will be my 2105th blog post (Swedish and English, the latter 20% of the total), and I intend to continue blogging as long as I find value in it. It serves me, and I enjoy it. So I write and will continue writing.

Recently, a glimmer of an opportunity to write lyrics have arisen, and I wonder… how to write lyrics? Lyrics first, and then someone will put music to it? Or music first, and I put lyrics to it? Can I? Should I?

Smile at me, shake my head a bit, and know full well that the answer is this:
Try it. Experiment. Play with it. See what happens, how it unfolds, if there’s something there – it will become obvious. If not, that will also become obvious. Why make it harder than it has to be?

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On the issue of the day

November 20, 2018
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in Tip
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I often return to blog posts of the past. My blog posts of the past. As I’ve been blogging for 6 years – more or less daily for 5 of those years – there are quite a few blog posts to choose from.

When there’s an interesting article or question or observation asked, many times I am reminded of something I’ve written that is relevant to whatever prompted the connection being made in my mind. So I search for it (and oftentimes find what I am looking for. Not always though) and can share what I’ve written and pondered about… about whatever really. Fear. Mistakes. Dancing. Coaching. Existential questions. Anything really!

And what is apparent, is how timeless many of my posts are. They can be recent or have 5 years to them, and still be as relevant today as when I wrote them. It’s not valid for all of them though, and listening to Seth Godin on Good Life Project, I got some insight into why that is. Seth was telling Jonathan Fields about “the issue of the day” and how he makes a point n o t to write about is – in specifics (listen from about 49 minutes in):

I care enough about my vision of the world that if I thought that I could change the way we did things by blogging about it, specifically, I would do it. But I feel like, a) chiming in on the issue of the day is a trap because it protects us from having to take responsibility for a larger view. […]
I think you can read at least half my blog posts as political, but none of them are saying Today, I think this person is wrong and this person is right, because as soon as I do that it’s so easy to ignore what I said because I am not on the right team, what ever team you want to be on. And so, I don’t want to play that sort of short-term tribal thing. Instead I want to say thank you to people from where ever you are coming from for giving me two minutes of your time, think about this. And if you think about this and still want to support that, well that’s your choice because you are a grown-up. Because I don’t believe what you believe, I don’t know what you know, I don’t want what you want. But here, here is a thought that feels to me coherent, and hard to argue with, and I notice things, do you notice this? And I know that that kind of input has influenced my life coming up, particularly as a teenager and surely thereafter, way more than when someone says this person is right, that person is wrong.

This is truly food for thought for me, and in how and what I write. Because I do chime in, now and again, on the specifics of the issues of the day. And those are posts that have a much shorter lifespan than posts that take the larger view.

I love how a new thought can open up for new perspectives – will this lead to changes in how and what I write? Or not?

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Falling into a rut

July 9, 2016
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I am. Falling into a rut. Here. On this blog. And it saddens me a bit.

pen to paperOn Thursdays I post a Throwback Thursday post, and Sundays is Doing Gentle-time. On the 25th each month, I do a general reflection on what being gentle towards my actually means to me, in the moment.

But that is almost all. And that is what a rut looks like, at least for this lady.

And I want more. Different. Other things.
I want to write more.
Reflections. Observations.
Tips on great podcasts, books, video snippets, articles.

I have so many ideas where I want to put pen to paper to allow them to take form. Transform from existing solely within the confines of me, into something I can share with you.

So why don’t I?

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