Writings

Stepping out of my self-imposed bubble.

Stepping out of my self-imposed bubble.

August 2, 2020
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For the past three weeks I’ve been offline, with regards to Social Media. No Facebook, no Instagram, no Forward Link (the AKIMBO-workshop gathering after the specific workshops ends, like The Creative’s Workshop did right around the time I went off SoMe). Have hardly checked my email either, except now and then, making sure there wasn’t anything I needed to attend to. And once verifying that, quickly logging off.

Deleted the SoMe-apps and my email-app from my phone.
Leveled up to level 40 on my ”baby account” (started by my youngest) and promptly deleted Pokémon Go on July 12th, a game which has kept me company for 4 years, almost to the day (minus 4).

For three weeks, I’ve done… almost nothing.
Slept.
Rested.
Read.
(Loads. 16 books in 3 weeks.
Love it. Currently 8 books ahead in my Goodreads challenge for 2020 to read 65 books; when I started my vacation I was 5 books behind, at least.)
Binge-watched Reign, Cursed, Good Girls.
Knitted.
Gardened. Weeding. Watering.

Picked berries. Ate them.
(Wild strawberries. Raspberries. Gooseberries. Red and black currants. Black mulberries.)

I’ve not blogged.
Hardly written anything. (Published nothing!)
(Did meet with Caspian one afternoon to record small video’s for my upcoming Tankespjärn-online course.)

Have met… almost no one.
(Except on Zoom-calls, deeply nourishing zoom-calls.)
Have hardly stepped foot outside my house/garden.
Have hardly walked. Hardly biked.
Haven’t been down to the ocean even once.
Haven’t met up with friends, haven’t had anyone over, haven’t gone anywhere. More or less.

Ever since folklore was released July 24th (I was told by my in-house Swiftie), it’s been on repeat.
Day in, day out.
Softly. In the background.

The perfect soundtrack to this bubble of mine.
Soft. Airy. Scaled down, minimal.
Beautiful.
(And yes. It’s on. Now.
As I am slowly stepping back into the world.
Logging back on to FB and Instagram, catching up with what’s happened on Forward Link during my hiatus.
Slowly.
Overwhelmed. A bit.
Wanting, wishing, longing for me to get another relation to SoMe from now on.
Up to me. I know.)

Yesterday, with two full days remaining until work is back on, I was astounded how deeply I –still– needed to do nothing.
Meet no one. Move hardly an inch.
Enjoying the sun, the warmth, the garden, books (3 in a day. And such lovely books.), folklore.

And you know what?
I. Needed. This.
Needed this break more than I realized.
Way more.

(Yet to learn, fully, how to let other people spark into action from my energy, as opposed to them being hooked up intravenously to me, running off my energy. Explains a lot.)

Stepping out of my self-imposed bubble.
Slowly. Gently.

Changes are afoot.
(In more ways than one.)

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I will disconnect.

July 11, 2020
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Come Christmas quite a few years ago by now, I decided, on the spur of the moment, to refrain from Social Media for a week. It turned into almost three weeks, and it felt great. I didn’t blog a lot, but some, if I remember correctly, but didn’t share on SoMe in my usual manner. (I think I used Buffer back then, so I could post to SoMe without actually being on there, which, even though it works, sort of defeats the purpose, using SoMe solely as a one-way megaphone, rather than a platform to forge relationships.)

Today is the first day of my three-week vacation, and I am coming to the same type of decision. Unceremoniously I deleted Facebook, LinkedIn, Spray (email-client) and other app’s from both my phone and my iPad. Had an embryo of this blog text spinning around in my head since the afternoon, and plan on posting it on both my blogs.

And then… I will disconnect.

Not necessarily go on a strict digital sabbat, but… if you are used to seeing me online, you will see much less of me, for a couple of weeks, that’s for sure. I might blog, now and then. Or… I might not.

I have a few online meet-up’s already planned, and a few in-person ones as well.
I might clean house, mend clothes, binge-watch Netflix series, bike down to the ocean to go skinny dipping, write.

Take long walks. Or not.
Go bike riding. Or not.

(I will) Move. Dance. Sing.
Laugh. Cry.
Sleep.
Dream.

Rest and recharge.
Read and revel in the beauty of my garden.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The End.

July 10, 2020
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Oh.
The End.
(Of the Beginning.)

The Creative’s Workshop has been such a significant part of my everyday life ever since I joined on February 7th, some 154 days ago. So when I got home from work–having woken up early this morning expecting it gone, happy to realize the site remained even after the communicated cut-off-time of July 9th–and was met with this image… it was still a shock to see it gone.

Without question, the best-spent $395 of my life.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The way to live my life

July 8, 2020
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The intensity!
People are responding, daily-ing, responding to prompts, sharing shipping news and aha’s like never before.

TCW is going out with a bang!
A most fitting description of these final hours (?!) of The Creative’s Workshop. But alas, how will it work, the actual shut-down? ”The final day is on the 9th of July” but what does that mean? Will it be shut-down at the start of the 9th, or the end of it? And according to what time zone?

Luckily… soon we are to find out, all of us, participating in TCW until the very end (at least our perceived end).

I’ve downloaded the CSV-file with all of my entries, have the archive-link handy, and yet… there’s so much goodness written by someone else… I just will not, ever, have the time to go through it all, even if I could save the entirety of this very first cohort of TCW.

So I shake it off, the sense of regret, of loss, accept that the FOMO is not a fear, but a fact, and as such, I could spend my time and energy fighting it. To no avail. That’s the problem with facts like these. It’s not a problem to be solved but rather a fact to accept. So I do.

I accept that there are dailies-threads I will never, ever, get to dive deep into.
That there are responses to prompts that hold potential gems and insights that would be of such service to me, responses of beauty and wit, of honesty and humor, of confusion and clarity.
Not to mention all the responses to all of these posts. Responses filled with as much beauty and wit, honesty and humor, confusion and clarity.
Astute writings I won’t ever get to see.

Ah.
Bitter-sweet.
And so so welcome.
I cannot fathom living in a world where I would feel finished.
Imagine partaking in a workshop like this, with 400+ participants (not all active, but many), and after 150 days feel that I’ve gotten everything possible from it, that there’s nothing left to learn…

I wouldn’t want that.
Not for TCW, not for anything.
Especially not for life.

So I am letting TCW go, in order to let come other things, with grace. With loving acceptance, knowing deep within that this is the way I want to live my life.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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5 steps in Honorable Closure

July 7, 2020
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Come 9th of July 2020, The Creative’s Workshop will be closing down, leaving me with… high points, low points, key lessons, loads of gratitude, and a definitive intention going forward.

This is the framework shared by the most wonderful Kathy Karn whose presence in TCW has been monumental – for me personally, and for many of the other participants in the workshop. She’s touched the heart of all of us. Kathy wrote about it thus: When we do our leaving in a mindful way our psyche gets notice and may raise up unfinished business that is worth attending to. Good closure prepares us well for new beginnings.

The details of my response will stay in TCW, with one exception:
I had forgotten what impact it has on me, on my energy, on my creativity, to be in a setting with such fabulous people, who, with grace and humility, share their work, their struggles, their questions, their praise, their warmth. It is something I never want to forget again!

This is my testimonial for TCW, which can be found on the site, where there’s a new session opening up soon. I have a hard time seeing how any TCW-cohort can ever be as amazing and special as the one that is just about to close, but… at the same time, I know it will be a most sensational experience for anyone participating in it. So if you’ve considered it, do so no more. Take the plunge. Enroll!

And even though the details will stay in TCW, I want to share the framework, for me to know I have it handy, and for you, to try it out, if and when, it’s time for an honorable closure. And there will be times for that. Now and again. There always is.

Letting go. Letting come.
Part of living. And loving.

5 Steps in Honourable Closure

  1. High Points: Reflect on the high points in your experience – this is a way of collecting memories and building an archive of turning points, gratitude moments, moments that touched your heart and or your funny bone. It is not a full recounting of the history of an event or time period, high points bring up the significant points that are worth remembering.
  2. Low Points: Were there any low points? Reflect on the tough parts, what was hard or challenging?
  3. Key lessons: What have you learned? How are you different, what has changed?
  4. Gratitude: Moments of gratitude may have already been mentioned in the responses above. If there is more then say more. If there are particular people you are grateful for, let them know, be specific about how that person impacted you.
  5. Intention Going forward: As an experience or relationship comes to an end what are your intentions going forward? How will you take the gifts, the lessons from this experience into your life? This does not need to be an exhaustive list, in fact, a couple of key points are probably more likely to get integrated into your life than a long to-do list. Take time to consider this – be specific.

#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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room for new things to come

July 6, 2020
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Continuing to clear out, Saturday the wardrobe, Sunday the bookcases in my bedroom and today (Monday) the bedside tables which have shelves where I had even more books…, I am reminded how good it feels.

To throw away trash. (Where d o e s it come from?)

To dust book jackets and shelves. (I know where dust comes from… but does it have to be so abundant?)

To sort out clothes I am no longer interested in (or fit in?).

To pick up book by book, and decide what to do with them. Keep books I’ve read and might want to read again, books I’ve not read and want to. Put to the side books I’ve read and want others to read, or books I’ve not read and won’t ever read.

(Garage sale on Saturday, that will be great, I have five more days to get even more sorted out for selling – and what remains I will donate.)

Cleanse for expansion.
That’s what I named my Impossible-project in 2015, and how true it is.

When I let things go… there’s room for new things to come.

(Oh.
The photos in the staircase.
They have to go (some. Others, perhaps another space?).
New times –since years back!– require new photos.
Letting go. Letting come.)


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The never-ending story of the questioning mind.

July 5, 2020
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I blog every day.
(Just like Seth.)
Is it too much, though?

Aarrgghhhh.
Resistance speaking? Fear? Not wanting to be too much?
(But I ”am” too much. And quite happily so.)

Who else publishes something daily?
Do you ever fear it’s ”too much to handle” for your audience?
Would you change, if it was?

For me, it’s simply the easiest way to do stuff. Daily.
(The Upholder in me nods and chimes in: I get such a kick out of run streaks as well!)

But I haven’t had a lot of people subscribing to my blog before, and now, more and more are trickling in, which makes me truly happy. And… fearful. For the above-mentioned reason.

Why?
(Oh, I know why, that’s simply the way the mind works. Thoughts come and go, and some of them sort’a makes an imprint, has me dive deep into the rabbit hole…)

Honest to God, I don’t read every post Seth publishes. I get the emails, and read some. Save them, to read later, and when there’s too many, I simply delete them instead. Unread.

So if you (imaginary subscriber of my blog) do the same, that’s perfectly fine.
I hope you read some, of course, but there’s no expectation from me that you read the lot.
Truly.

But should I take that, and turn it into a rational for not writing daily? If I post 3 days a week, would more people read more of the posts then? Or weekly?

Nah.

It doesn’t sit right.

But who knows, perhaps, once day, it might?
Or I’ll simply get fed up with writing/publishing daily, and I’ll start to ponder whether or not I write too seldom…

And on and on it goes.
The never-ending story of the questioning mind.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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Mend, Recycle, Sell/Donate

July 4, 2020
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In 2015 I did a ”cleanse for expansion”-project while attending Michael Neill’s 90 days online Create the impossible-workshop. I aimed to go through and organize everything –my physical space (home) as well as my digital one(s)– and blog daily about it. The latter I did, the former I didn’t quite manage, but not far from it, especially not with regards to my physical space.

Now and again, thoughts of doing some type of repeat pop up, and even though I haven’t committed to it, a month ago I started to envision actually doing a big thorough cleaning of each and every room in the house again. Cleaning, while also sorting, ensuring I only keep and have things I truly want and need. Donating/Selling/Dumping the rest.

Today, as the weather was anything but gardening-friendly, I started. (Writing it here, I realize that’s what I did. At the time, I didn’t see the connection, but hey… why not consider this project started?) I took out everything from my wardrobe. Cleaned it out thoroughly, only put back what I want to use, piling the rest in one of three categories: Mend, Recycle, Sell/Donate.

But, alas, far from being a place only for clothes, I also had jewelry, and old glasses, an old computer and a bunch of old USB-memory sticks (great fun, loads of old photos on them, from 2011 onwards!), bed linen, old passports and a whole bunch of books that I’ve bought to give away in the wardrobe.

It feels good having gotten my wardrobe in order.
And that’s generally the feeling I had when I did my impossible-project, so yeah. I do want to go through my stuff again. It’s time. Since 2015 I’ve been quite good at not buying more stuff, but you know, it sort of builds up anyway. Tomorrow, perhaps the bookcase in my bedroom? Having started in there, I might just continue? Otherwise, the pantry is a good contender, it needs a good purge along with the rest of the kitchen!

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I should…

July 3, 2020
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It’s July.

(Already. How is it possible? Just the other day it was Easter, and before that Corona struck, and somehow, it’s been a year since I returned home from a week in Kenya. Amazing.)

I should be summarizing June based on my intention for the year (with my body in focus), but it will have to wait.

I should be heading to bed, actually…

(Tired.
That’s what I am.
Sitting on the sofa, yawning like crazy.
)

And yet.
Here I am.
Writing.

Because…
I haven’t written anything today.

Because…
I like having the blog post for tomorrow published automatically as I go about my morning routine, getting ready for the day.

Because…
once I’d eaten, tended the tomato plants in the garden, talked to friends about a fall event, I sat down to write after nine pm… only to realize I’d forgotten to send a weekly email to a client of mine, a very dear client of mine, so that’s what I did. Instead of writing. For me. 

But.
Perhaps because-ing myself is as bad as shoulding myself?
Or… perhaps shoulding myself isn’t bad at all? Except when I think it means I have to do something, and that I am bad, unworthy, a lazy no-good, if I don’t?

Perhaps because-ing myself isn’t bad either, as long as I don’t use it to avoid taking full responsibility for me, myself and I, and all the situations I put myself into?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
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The energy is rising

July 2, 2020
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The pace is picking up, the energy is rising, and more and more people are getting active again. Responding to prompts for the first time, or –as I am doing– revisiting them once more, generously (as is wont to happen in The Creative’s Workshop!) sharing insights and questions and cheerings-on in comments to prompts and dailies, engaging with others to ensure there’s ”connectability” once TCW shuts down in 8 days…

and I still don’t want it too!

And yet…
I know. I will be there, every day, until it’s over.
And I know. I will miss it dreadfully, when it does.
And I know. I need it too.
I need the break.
I need digital sabbats. For longer than I’ve been taking them these past months (barely, honestly).

The increase and decrease.
After a massive surge –not least this past month with a lot of work as well– both work and TCW are set to decrease around the same time.
A massive deadline at work in 7 days, TCW ends the day after.

Perhaps, it’s even a godsend?

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