Writings

The never-ending story of the questioning mind.

The never-ending story of the questioning mind.

July 5, 2020
/ / /

I blog every day.
(Just like Seth.)
Is it too much, though?

Aarrgghhhh.
Resistance speaking? Fear? Not wanting to be too much?
(But I ”am” too much. And quite happily so.)

Who else publishes something daily?
Do you ever fear it’s ”too much to handle” for your audience?
Would you change, if it was?

For me, it’s simply the easiest way to do stuff. Daily.
(The Upholder in me nods and chimes in: I get such a kick out of run streaks as well!)

But I haven’t had a lot of people subscribing to my blog before, and now, more and more are trickling in, which makes me truly happy. And… fearful. For the above-mentioned reason.

Why?
(Oh, I know why, that’s simply the way the mind works. Thoughts come and go, and some of them sort’a makes an imprint, has me dive deep into the rabbit hole…)

Honest to God, I don’t read every post Seth publishes. I get the emails, and read some. Save them, to read later, and when there’s too many, I simply delete them instead. Unread.

So if you (imaginary subscriber of my blog) do the same, that’s perfectly fine.
I hope you read some, of course, but there’s no expectation from me that you read the lot.
Truly.

But should I take that, and turn it into a rational for not writing daily? If I post 3 days a week, would more people read more of the posts then? Or weekly?

Nah.

It doesn’t sit right.

But who knows, perhaps, once day, it might?
Or I’ll simply get fed up with writing/publishing daily, and I’ll start to ponder whether or not I write too seldom…

And on and on it goes.
The never-ending story of the questioning mind.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

Mend, Recycle, Sell/Donate

July 4, 2020
/ / /

In 2015 I did a ”cleanse for expansion”-project while attending Michael Neill’s 90 days online Create the impossible-workshop. I aimed to go through and organize everything –my physical space (home) as well as my digital one(s)– and blog daily about it. The latter I did, the former I didn’t quite manage, but not far from it, especially not with regards to my physical space.

Now and again, thoughts of doing some type of repeat pop up, and even though I haven’t committed to it, a month ago I started to envision actually doing a big thorough cleaning of each and every room in the house again. Cleaning, while also sorting, ensuring I only keep and have things I truly want and need. Donating/Selling/Dumping the rest.

Today, as the weather was anything but gardening-friendly, I started. (Writing it here, I realize that’s what I did. At the time, I didn’t see the connection, but hey… why not consider this project started?) I took out everything from my wardrobe. Cleaned it out thoroughly, only put back what I want to use, piling the rest in one of three categories: Mend, Recycle, Sell/Donate.

But, alas, far from being a place only for clothes, I also had jewelry, and old glasses, an old computer and a bunch of old USB-memory sticks (great fun, loads of old photos on them, from 2011 onwards!), bed linen, old passports and a whole bunch of books that I’ve bought to give away in the wardrobe.

It feels good having gotten my wardrobe in order.
And that’s generally the feeling I had when I did my impossible-project, so yeah. I do want to go through my stuff again. It’s time. Since 2015 I’ve been quite good at not buying more stuff, but you know, it sort of builds up anyway. Tomorrow, perhaps the bookcase in my bedroom? Having started in there, I might just continue? Otherwise, the pantry is a good contender, it needs a good purge along with the rest of the kitchen!

Read More

I should…

July 3, 2020
/ / /

It’s July.

(Already. How is it possible? Just the other day it was Easter, and before that Corona struck, and somehow, it’s been a year since I returned home from a week in Kenya. Amazing.)

I should be summarizing June based on my intention for the year (with my body in focus), but it will have to wait.

I should be heading to bed, actually…

(Tired.
That’s what I am.
Sitting on the sofa, yawning like crazy.
)

And yet.
Here I am.
Writing.

Because…
I haven’t written anything today.

Because…
I like having the blog post for tomorrow published automatically as I go about my morning routine, getting ready for the day.

Because…
once I’d eaten, tended the tomato plants in the garden, talked to friends about a fall event, I sat down to write after nine pm… only to realize I’d forgotten to send a weekly email to a client of mine, a very dear client of mine, so that’s what I did. Instead of writing. For me. 

But.
Perhaps because-ing myself is as bad as shoulding myself?
Or… perhaps shoulding myself isn’t bad at all? Except when I think it means I have to do something, and that I am bad, unworthy, a lazy no-good, if I don’t?

Perhaps because-ing myself isn’t bad either, as long as I don’t use it to avoid taking full responsibility for me, myself and I, and all the situations I put myself into?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

The energy is rising

July 2, 2020
/ / /

The pace is picking up, the energy is rising, and more and more people are getting active again. Responding to prompts for the first time, or –as I am doing– revisiting them once more, generously (as is wont to happen in The Creative’s Workshop!) sharing insights and questions and cheerings-on in comments to prompts and dailies, engaging with others to ensure there’s ”connectability” once TCW shuts down in 8 days…

and I still don’t want it too!

And yet…
I know. I will be there, every day, until it’s over.
And I know. I will miss it dreadfully, when it does.
And I know. I need it too.
I need the break.
I need digital sabbats. For longer than I’ve been taking them these past months (barely, honestly).

The increase and decrease.
After a massive surge –not least this past month with a lot of work as well– both work and TCW are set to decrease around the same time.
A massive deadline at work in 7 days, TCW ends the day after.

Perhaps, it’s even a godsend?

Read More

For the wildest woman

July 1, 2020
/ / /

”For the wildest woman, the animus cycle of increase and decrease is natural.”

For the past… oh, five, no, seven, possibly going on ten years, I’ve had the urge to describe my experiences in terms of in and out, exhale and inhale, up and down. The way of the wave, crashing onto the beach, only to recede and gather force, to come at the beach again, and again, and again.

If you were to go through my writings, you’d find countless references like these, of me letting go, letting come, that which wants to happen.

”It is an archaic process, an ancient process. Time out of mind, it is how women approached the world of ideas and the outer manifestation of them.”

There’s a Duracell bunny within me, that can run for a long time, endlessly drumming away.
But I know, I have to let my batteries recharge now and again. Otherwise, this bunny will run dry on energy, and not be of any use to anyone.

”This is how women do it.”

Read More

the welfare of the children

June 30, 2020
/ / /

I read a book. A book about a father who is suddenly –by the mother– refused the right to be with his two children, and what follows has me frustrated to pieces.

One reason for my frustration is that I have two friends who’ve gone through more or less the same thing, where the system(s) just seems totally inadequate and incapable of actually doing what the Swedish systems claim to do: Put the welfare of the children first. This is (supposed to be) valid for the school system, the social services, the police, the courts, all of the Swedish systems put in place to serve its citizens.

When I read the last page, I grabbed my computer and started to write. And was surprised at what I wrote, because it wasn’t the frustration from witnessing my two friends getting stuck in the quagmire of custody hearings, meetings with the schools and the social services, and what not that started to pour out…

No. What came out was my own frustration from my experiences of an adoption process, taking place in 2008-2009, when my second husband adopted my firstborn, with the blessing of the biological father, my first husband.

It surprised me. I wasn’t aware that this is at the root of why I am drawn to try to aid my friends, or really, anyone, getting caught and entwined in the barbed wire of the system. Because it can truly be detrimental. And I don’t see that it’s actually benefitting anyone.

So once more, putting fingers to keyboard informs me, greatly. I see me. Discover more, of me. Pieces hidden. Forgotten. Deliberately shunned. And… perhaps also pieces of me that are so brand-new, they are like a minuscule fetus, well-protected deep within the flesh of my body, my psyche, my being?

(The book’s in Swedish, and the post as well, but I might translate it. If you want to read it?)


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More

Putting ourselves out there

June 28, 2020
/ / /

The Creative’s Workshop has been a truly transformative experience, partaking in something like this, especially during the times we are living in–the workshop started beginning of February 2020, just before COVID-19 and the Coronavirus-pandemic sort of became a reality for us all–feels like a meant-to-be-moment in my life.

As the workshop is coming to an end, many of us are reluctant to let go, a reluctance akin to that which I believe humans feel upon leaving the womb. It’s been nourishing and sheltered and has felt very safe and loving, and yet… outside, that’s where everything learned from within the bubble is to manifest. Because we do live in a world of form, a physical world, putting ourselves out there is of importance. That’s how we seed generosity, that’s how we share of ourselves, our fears and favorites, our mishaps and major wins, our questions, insights and creative outputs.

The very final Open Mic, organized by one of the groups created within the workshop, has a record turn-out, and even though I’ve only understood the beauty of the Open Mic these past 4-5 weeks, participating in them has been one of many highlights of my TCW-exploration.

So I want to share a bit of the glory of TCW with you, the out there-part of the world.

Here’s a new take on Arlette Manassehs limerick, put into visuals by Manu Satsangi:

Timmy Riordan sang the most beautiful song for us: Lean into Me

Laura Tucker of the Free your inner guru-podcast shared a bit of her experience recording an episode with Charles Wilson, which can be found here: Music is Medicine

Jayashree Krishnan, who painted Pop the cat for me, painted a smashing portrait of Seth Godin (who’s the man behind the Akimbo workshops, along with a crew of skilled professionals and coaches!) during the Open Mic, who’s also got a GoFundMe-project for a series of watercolors on care-workers that she’s been sharing within and without TCW. Please check it out, fund it, and share the word!

And then there was Isabel Núñez Cortés sharing a piece of her music, from a scoring competition she’s participating in. My take, listening to the music while watching the video was: But… What? This i s n ‘ t the real score for this video? It sounds just like it’s supposed to! 

I could go on, given the fact that there were 20+ people on the celebratory final OM, but… I won’t. Or. I might… in the future. But not now. I think you’ve already gotten enough to go around for a long time (cuz I am totally counting on y’all to click and view and listen and share and subscribe and fund and seed generosity in any way, shape or form you can!). And I want to make sure everyone listens to Charles Wilson (same one who’s participating in Laura’s podcast) on George Floyd and the Struggle for Equality which he played live as the finale of the OM-finale, and man… that was a m a z i n g to witness:

It’s been an honor to be a part of this workshop as well as these Open Mic-sessions!

❤️   

(But how can I stop here? When I haven’t said a word about Kathy Karn or Jim Grady, not to mention Amandawhom I have mentioned about before though!– or Jennifer or Sue or… 

Someone.
Please.
Make me stop!

But how can I?)

Read More

Buddhas by the Roadside, a very unusual podcast

June 27, 2020
/ /
in Tip
/

When we record Buddhas by the Roadside-conversations I greatly enjoy each conversation.

Then… sometimes I do the timecoding for an episode (basically finding a starting and an ending point, and flagging any obnoxiously odd sounds or mishaps to be edited out), getting a chance to listen to the conversation, and I greatly enjoy listening to each raw-cut as well.

Then… the episodes are actually published, and guess what?
I listen to them. Sometimes, more than once, more than twice.
And. Yes. I greatly enjoy them.

Perhaps that’s a bit odd and self-absorbed, but… there’s so much going on in these very intimate conversations, that I find new things to pick up on, to react to, to ponder, each time I listen to them.

What I’ve heard most people say, of the people who like the pod–which, yes, is a most unusual pod!– is that it’s as if they get to walk straight into a conversation, a very intimate one, at that. We have no intro/outro music, there’s no introduction, nothing. We just start talking, and off we go. For an hour. An hour and a half. Two hours even. And then… it’s over, when it’s over. But now and again, there are mini-breaks, where we pause, letting the silence engulf us–and you!–, again, in a most un-pod-like way.

And since I enjoy being a bit odd, this suits me perfectly!
However, I would be truly happy to have you give us a listen if you haven’t already. And if you have, and you like us (and even if you don’t), give us another listen. Who knows what might happen?


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.

 

Read More

…in the garden of Eden

June 26, 2020
/ / /

I am in The Creative’s Workshop, which surely has not escaped anyone (or… it probably has. Escaped hundreds of millions, even billions of people, but if you are a regular reader of this blog, you might remember it… Anyways…), where, on Friday evenings there’s an Open Mike-session on Zoom, where a bunch of people from the workshop gathers to read or show our work. I’ve only taken part in this for the last month or so, but I absolutely love it. The week before last, someone suggested we swop with someone, reading each others works, and I immediately reached out to Arlette Manasseh, asking if she’d swop pieces with me, having me read something of her’s and she read something of mine. She agreed and promised she’d write me a poem to read. I in turn sent her a few links to posts of mine, and she picked Open which I shared in my Dailies in the workshop as well.

The day of the Open Mike I nudged Arlette, and immediately, she sent me a poem. What she didn’t tell me was that she’d write the poem not just for me to read, but, actually, for me. It’s about me. I read it, and was both humbled and filled with joy because it’s a fun one.

So here goes, the limerick Arlette wrote to me:

There once was a lady from Sweden
who painted her toes in the garden of Eden
Then a panther walked past
Like a shadow he asked
Do you like cheesecake
Or swimming the lake?

There once was a panther from Hampshire
Who surrounded himself with laughter
It was the cheesecake you know
Which ‘elena eats with her big toe
And now she spends the weekends
In his Chateau.

(19 June 2020)

Read More

I deserve being nourished

June 25, 2020
/ / /

I don’t do thirty minutes of gardening daily.
But I do some gardening, most days.
Sometimes for hours. Sometimes nothing at all.
It evens out, but what’s apparent is how nurturing it is for me, especially after a long day at the office.

Coming home, running low on energy, even though I mostly just want to lie down on my bed and do nothing for an hour or two… if I don my garden clothes and step outside into the garden – the recharge starts immediately. And it’s definitely a significantly faster charge happening than the plonking-down-on-the-bed-scrolling-through-SoMe-feeds is.

So, I am vowing, yet again, to gift myself the joy of gardening, because that is what it is.
It is a gift. For me.

I sometimes forget that it is a gift (thinking it’s a burden).
I sometimes forget how nourishing it is (opting for the mind-numbing SoMe-scrolling instead).
I sometimes forget how the weariness just falls off me, when I bend down to remove some weed, when I put a few more seeds in a garden bed, when I get out the watering can and feed the thirsty plants (mistaking it for a chore). 

I sometimes forget.
And I want to remember.
Because I deserve being nourished.


#tankespjärn, for those who wish to discover. More. Other. New.
Read More